tariki

Dogen had much to say on "illusion". Hee-Jin Kim:- What concerned Dōgen most was not to eliminate illusion in favor of reality so much as it was to see illusion as the total realization—not as one illusion among others, but as the illusion, with nothing but the illusion throughout the universe until we could at last find no illusion. Only if and when we realized the nonduality of illusion and reality in emptiness could we deal with them wisely and compassionately. Dōgen wrote:- You must surely know that emptiness is a single grass. This emptiness is bound to bloom, like hundreds of grasses blossoming.… Seeing a dazzling variety of the flowers of emptiness, we surmise an incalculability of the fruits of emptiness (kūka). We should observe the bloom and fall of the flowers of emptiness and learn the spring and autumn of the flowers of emptiness. My own words seem incapable of explanation.

Nice to witness such a conciliatory ending to this debate. Settling down in McDonalds at the moment with burger, coffee and a muffin. Reading through, a few phrases catch my eye, or catch something at least, I'm not sure what. "I'm not there yet, and probably never will be and that too is OK." Is there anywhere to get to? Is there any final place or conclusion to be reached. Will there ever be a final " theory of everything"? Would that not be hell? Alfred North Whitehead, with his "process philosophy", came to the conclusion - backed up by much science and theoretical physics and such - that our home/universe/cosmos/chaosmos, was a constant advance into novelty. Which suggests that our "home" is a journey, and this not just in some poetic sense that leaves hard facts behind, but as the very heart/essence of Reality. Myself, I feel a necessity to belong, and not to think of myself as simply an accidental by-product of random mutations. I have Faith that such is so and my faith seeks understanding. Clarity. Sadly, often, in seeking to express the clarity I find others often stagger away in incomprehension......😃 No matter, as I see it, I continually find much to support my instinct/intuition that existence has significance. As posted elsewhere, Dogen remains my "man of the moment". Using philosophic jargon, in Dogen ontology, epistemology, and soteriology were inseparably united. Or as already said, we are what we understand. Yet such "understanding" is not fixed, and though - as Dogen himself was taught by his teacher in China - "the power of the present moment was the only moment", nevertheless this doesn’t mean that there is no future result from practice. There is forward movement. And what is our "practice"? Surely it begins with caring, with sincerity of purpose, simple mindfulness. Take it from there. " In protecting oneself one protects others In protecting others one protects oneself" (Buddhist text) Getting back on topic, I can see "justice" written all over this. Justice is not administered by some transcendent power. It is intrinsic to Reality-as-is. What you see is what you get.

A review of the book "Eihei Dogen: Mystical Realist" by Hee-Jin Kim. The following (in italics) is simply a cut and paste from my review on Amazon:- A difficult read and perhaps that is not just a judgement upon my own brain cells! I would have to say that for one like myself who has found that a lot of religion is simply the betrayal of THIS world for some imagined "other", the attraction of Mahayana Buddhism's identification of samsara ( our world of birth and death ) with nirvana has always held the potential to heal and redeem. Dogen, according to Mr Kim's exposition, taught such. The text must be read slowly and carefully - at least, so I found. Yet the text rewards such care and attention. Though myself a Pure Land Buddhist ( or as Mr Kim writes, "Pure Realm Buddhism" ) and Mr Kim draws distinctions between the thought of Dogen and Shinran ( one of the "fathers" of Japanese Pure Land Buddhism ) I found some passages deeply transformative - or as transformative as words/philosophy can be. Also extraordinarily "modern". One of the very best books I have ever read. Thank you. Just to say that some in the realm of zen disclaim reading and study, citing the "special transmission outside of the scriptures", some only recognising time on the cushion as the single focal point. But as Ted Beringer writes in his "Zen Cosmology":- Learning and study, it turns out, is as integral to Zen practice as is meditation (zazen). In the words of Hee-Jin Kim: "The issue was not so much whether or not to philosophize as it was how to philosophize… [The] philosophic enterprise was as much the practice of the bodhisattva way as was zazen" Beringer sums up:- Despite having been thoroughly repudiated by the scholarship for decades, the anti-literary fallacy continues to prevail. The pernicious tenacity of this particular false view is seen in the fact that it not only continues to prevail outside the Zen community, but within it as well. As we shall touch on again, in advocating a disdain for learning and study, this fallacy fosters the veneration of anti-intellectualism. By deliberately cultivating a disdain for knowledge and a distrust of language, those that ascribe to such views effectively bar themselves from its only remedy: reason. I am now re-reading Hee-Jin Kim's book for a third time. As I said in my Amazon review, it is extraordinarily modern, in as much as anyone remotely aware of a need for a new life giving "world-view" that can actually relate to the advances in knowledge over the past few centuries (in the West, and particularly in theoretical physics) will find much to ponder and reflect upon in Dogen's thought.

I have expressed my interest in the Soto Zen Master Dogen before. In many ways not my cup of tea as we say in the UK. More a Pure Lander myself, which ideally is very egalitarian and knows of no "masters" - virtually anything at all can be a "master" in the Pure Land way of "no calculation" where things are made to become so of themselves. Again, Dogen advocated Zazen, implying long hours on the zafu (meditation cushion) but meditation is often seen as a "self power" path while Pure Land is very much Other Power. I do in fact meditate, but more for mental health reasons, and I don't really think 15 minutes a day would pass muster in the average zen dojo (training hall) A Pure Landers "dojo" is more around the kitchen sink and other such earthy places, in fact anything and anywhere goes. We just need to keep our mind/hearts open. Mindfulness of a kind. Sometimes I am surprised by joy. Anyway, I waffle as usual. I sit down with my cup of coffee in McDonalds and begin to tap away on my Kindle. I was reading recently that our world's population has now topped 8 Billion. At the turn of the 19th into the 20th century it was 1.6 Billion. Quite staggering. Therefore all the problems - ecological, social, Empires giving way to Nation States and now Nation States into the neoliberalism of giant Corporations - stateless and virtually free from accountability. I fear for my grandchildren. But, whatever, here I am amid the 8 Billion, needing to find what could be called a "path", needing to find rest in my own particular time and place. If we are fortunate we have the leisure time, time free from merely seeking to survive and make ends meet, to seek "answers", to find a true home. The "homely self". A poem pops into my mind, one by Vladimir Holan:- Is it true that after this life of ours we shall one day be awakened by a terrifying clamour of trumpets? Forgive me God, but I console myself that the beginning and resurrection of all of us dead will simply be announced by the crowing of the cock. After that we’ll remain lying down a while… The first to get up will be Mother…We’ll hear her quietly laying the fire, quietly putting the kettle on the stove and cosily taking the teapot out of the cupboard. We’ll be home once more. (Apparently Holan was a tortured soul. He had a daughter with Downs Syndrome, who died at the age of 28) I have found myself that "reason" is unhelpful as far as finding my own path, time and place. Reason, of a sort, can get us to the moon and back, but lacks the baggage to provide what the mind/heart truly needs. The Buddhist Madhyamika speaks of the eternal conflict in reason, its never ending dialectic of point and counter point. It speaks of the need to rise (or descend?) to another level, the "no position" that supercedes all positions and "views". Gobbledygook to some no doubt, but possibly it is simply referencing "faith/trust". Reflecting as deeply as I can on the so called "Buddha's silence" in the face of all metaphysical questions has deepened my own Faith (called Shinjin in the Pure Land). Non- dual and all that jazz. Not "salvation BY faith", more "faith IS salvation". Well, it is time to go. My coffee grows cold. I genuinely meant just to post part of Dogen's "Genjokoan" with a very brief intro. But as usual I got carried away (some might hope I will be.....) Believe it or not, Dogen's words continue to offer clarity. Each to their own......we each need to find our own "clarity". (1) When all dharmas are the Buddha Dharma, there is delusion and realization, practice, life and death, buddhas and living beings. (2) When the ten thousand dharmas are without [fixed] self, there is no delusion and no realization, no buddhas and no living beings, no birth and no death. (3) Since the Buddha Way by nature goes beyond [the dichotomy of] abundance and deficiency, there is arising and perishing, delusion and realization, living beings and buddhas. (4) Therefore flowers fall even though we love them; weeds grow even though we dislike them. Conveying oneself toward all things to carry out practice-enlightenment is delusion. All things coming and carrying out practice-enlightenment through the self is realization. Those who greatly realize delusion are buddhas. Those who are greatly deluded in realization are living beings. Furthermore, there are those who attain realization beyond realization and those who are deluded within delusion. (5) When buddhas are truly buddhas they don’t need to perceive they are buddhas; however, they are enlightened buddhas and they continue actualizing buddha. In seeing color and hearing sound with body and mind, although we perceive them intimately, [the perception] is not like reflections in a mirror or the moon in water. When one side is illuminated, the other is dark. (6) To study the Buddha Way is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be verified by all things. To be verified by all things is to let the body and mind of the self and the body and mind of others drop off. There is a trace of realization that cannot be grasped. We endlessly express this ungraspable trace of realization. Thank you. May true Dharma continue. No blame. Be kind. Love everything.

Rom, it's not a matter of being content. The journey is home. But hey, let's leave it.

Hi again. I'm not trying to head anywhere. Which is maybe the point. 😐

Sorry Rom, I can't really hack your own approach. Any question for me is simply a sounding board for whatever ramblings come forth. Not a time for definitions, or even undue precision. I'm thinking now of my old mate Thomas Merton and a few sentences from his "Raids on the Unspeakable". I posted them before somewhere. Now the word "unspeakable" catches my mind. The inability of words to actually capture Reality, or set parameters. Unspeakable, and Wittgenstein said that "of which we cannot speak we must remain silent". I don't really agree, being non-dual. Is there "Reality" and words? The latter seeking to express the inexpressible? No, I don't think so. It's more what Yun-men said (!) , when asked what were the teachings of a whole lifetime, and he answered:- "An appropriate statement". Quite profound. Appropriate there, then yet for no other time or place. To a certain extent this can be seen and understood as some sort of solution to the eternal "Relative" v "Absolute" conundrum. But I'll leave that and try to get back on topic......😀 From "Raids on the Unspeakable":- ...the deeper question is the nature of reality itself. Inexorable consistency. Is reality the same as consistency? The "reality" of the world of many is of consistency, but the reality of the real world is not consistent. The world of consistency is the world of justice, but justice is not the final word. There is, above the consistent and logical world of justice, an inconsistent illogical world where nothing "hangs together," where justice no longer damns each to their own darkness. This inconsistent world is the realm of mercy. The world can only be "consistent" without God. His freedom will always threaten it with inconsistency - with unexpected gifts. Considering the above, would we actually want Reality (God) to be "just"? A great Christian George MacDonald gave a famous sermon once that insisted that Justice and Mercy were one and the same. It is a rather long sermon and when attempting to read it through I lost the thread of his argument. But I tend to agree with him anyway, lost thread or not. Another point is that surely we need to stop asking what Reality or God is, or does, or whatever, but ask ourselves what our own mind/heart is (or, as would be said by our "eastern" friends, ISN'T....😀) In our dealings with others do we look for an "eye for an eye", due recompense? Or does our mind/heart offer mercy? So, "Is Christianity Just?" Well, I hope not. Going back to Merton's words, of "unexpected gifts". I find that whole concept beautiful. Unexpected. Not currently part of my mental horizen. Novel. New. Gifts. Not earned, not attained. Not reached by dialectical reason. Or as Christianity would say, "not by works" (lest anyone should boast) Grace. Well, enough. I'm once more in McDonalds, my island of rest. My Pure Land. Very therapeutic sitting here, waffling and rambling. May true Dharma continue. No blame. Be kind. Love everything.

Is Christianity "just"? The simple answer is that if it is not, then it is untrue. That is, if we have faith that Reality is compassion itself, wisdom itself, potential itself. Obviously, the theologians will wade in (orthodox, conservative, fundamentalist) with the suggestion that we, as finite human beings, simply cannot comprehend what "true justice" would be; with maybe an added epicycle that our "sin" clouds our minds and thus what we would understand as "just" is screwed up. Having argued such, the assorted evangelists will then present the doctrine of perpetual torment, now "justified", simply because that is how they interpret the text of the Bible and its message. But I am more with John Stuart Mill, who said:- “To say that God’s goodness may be different in kind from man’s goodness, what is it but saying, with a slight change of phraseology, that God may possibly not be good?” Yes indeed! But, anyway, hi Paul! I can understand your mother. "Once saved, always saved" and no matter how far you have drifted away you have your ticket to the Promised Land. A guy I knew back in the day had another take. I asked him once how he could be happy in heaven when others were suffering, eternally, beyond all hope. He took up his Bible and said that it had all the answers, and in this case the words from Revelations, that in heaven God " will wipe the tears from every eye". He then said:- "I don't know how He will do it, but I believe it." Faith. I am always hesitant in assessing another. All are unique, we all have our stories. But, that said, I think we can generalise in some ways. I see pure FEAR as dictating much belief. Once indoctrinated, once an eternal hell is accepted as "what the Bible teaches", then the only thing that saves us from such a fate is our "belief" - as handed down to us. To question anything at all, even so hideous a doctrine, is to open the way to our own damnation. Getting back to the guy I spoke of, in a way I can see his understanding morphing more toward my own. All is a "becoming". While your mother looked at a doctrine to satisfy herself, this guy accepted his own ignorance. From my own Pure Land perspective, and that of the myokonin Saichi:- "Not knowing why! Not knowing why! That is my support, not knowing why! That is the namu-amida-butsu!" Obviously, that guy "did not know how" (or why) a particular doctrine could co-exist with his own self being "without tears" in heaven. While I simply do not seek to justify any doctrine at all. I just have a faith, a trust, that "all" are accepted. By Reality-as-is. Infinite compassion, infinite wisdom, infinite potential. To live likewise, or at least, to seek to, is to grow in union with such a Reality. And of course, if we turn to Christianity in its full width, depth and breadth, Universal Salvation can be found. Taught and believed by numerous early Church Fathers, and found as minority strands throughout its 2000 years, particularly in the Eastern Orthodox traditions. And now growing in support from many, who, believe it or not, DO know their Bibles. And know them well. Basically, I am out of it now. I have less and less time for Scriptures (holy or not) and more for people, just as I find them. As Thomas Merton has said:- The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. May true Dharma continue No blame. Be kind. Love everything.

Thanks Paul for the warnings based upon your own experience. I don't wear contact lenses myself, but take on board the potential risk anyway. Given my own experience at Moorfield's eye hospital and various information gleaned there from their consultants, no matter the symptoms (black spots - excessive "floaters" - flashing lights) the sooner these are checked out by informed and competent experts, the more likely you are to get a satisfactory result. "Time is of the essence" as they say. Eyesight is precious.

For some reason recently an episode from the life of Shinran (13th century Japan) popped into my mind. Shinran was one of the "fathers" of Pure Land Buddhism, the so called "Buddhism of Faith" - a title that can be misleading. All Pure Land Buddhism has emerged from the non-dual East and therefore it is not "salvation by faith", but rather "faith (shinjin) is salvation". The episode was when Shinran was speaking to another concerning his own path, and Shinran spoke of there coming a time when a deep profound sadness would envelope him. Anyway, I had lost the context, of what Shinran was actually seeking to convey. I have quite a few books on Pure Land and just cannot trace the source of the words. I googled, using various combinations of "sadness/Shinran/Pure Land/Shin/Jodo Shinshu" but alas nothing. But I did come across a fine essay by a guy I had exchanged posts with on the old Tricycle Forums, Jeff Wilson. Published in Tricycle, it was titled "Born Together With All Beings" - "Togetherness in Shin Buddhism". So I share it here. Shinran (1173 - 1262) the founder of Jodo Shinshu ("True Essence of Pure Land Teaching”) had a universal vision of Buddhism’s liberating power for all people. But because Shin Buddhism (another way of referring to the Pure Land school Shinran founded) has been such an important part of Japanese culture for 800 years, that all-inclusiveness isn’t always noticed by people outside of the tradition. I think that many Buddhists in North America see Shin more as an expression of Japanese culture than as a form of Buddhism meant for each and all. The Shin philosopher Kaneko Daiei (1881–1976) can help us understand Shinran’s vision. Kaneko, a professor at Otani University in Kyoto, Japan, who was highly critical of how materialistic his Buddhist lineage had become, was excommunicated from the denomination for 10 years. In his writings, he occasionally used the term “inner togetherness,” by which he meant the natural bonds that we share with other beings. There is an emotional quality to this feeling of “fellowness” with others, so that when someone else is suffering, we too suffer. Troubled by the suffering of ourselves and others, we look to see what its cause is. We look at the real situations of actual people in their everyday lives, rather than focusing on an ideal of how we ought to be in order to avoid suffering. This approach is very much a part of the Shin path, as it looks to ordinary beings instead of monastic ideals. The monk Ryokan (1758–1831) wrote a poem about the buddha of the Pure Land, Amida Buddha, which expresses this process very well: “When I think about the misery of those in this world, their sadness becomes mine. Oh, that my monk’s robe were wide enough to gather up all the suffering people in this floating world. Nothing makes me more happy than Amida Buddha’s Vow to save everyone.” –trans. John Stevens Kaneko says that in realizing that we and others are fellow beings bonded by an inseparable inner togetherness, we seek a solution to our misery that will be adequate for all. The answer, according to Kaneko, is the Primal Vow—Amida Buddha’s oath to bring all beings to oneness, which embraces all beings just as they are. This great vow provides the nembutsu (the recitation of Amida Buddha’s name, Namo Amida Butsu) as an easy practice that anyone can perform. This is about as far as Kaneko took his idea, but I want to expand on this concept of inner togetherness. To me, it is emblematic of what is best about Shin Buddhism. In my understanding, the concept arises from the truth of interrelatedness. Interrelatedness, or interdependence, is the central insight of Mahayana Buddhism. It means that nothing exists separate from all the other things in the universe. Every person lives only by relying on the support of others. No matter how far out you trace the web of relations, there is always more that can be said about it: it is infinite and total, and only a buddha can truly perceive its full extent. Indeed, in the Mahayana tradition it is often said that comprehension of this totality is what precipitates buddhahood or is buddhahood itself. Thus while I seem in my deluded mind to be one individual person struggling in the world against others, in fact from the Buddha’s viewpoint there is no separation between self and other. In traditional language this is often called emptiness, because we are empty of independent existence. But “inner togetherness” is a uniquely Shin term for this understanding, which stresses the positive side of connection and the fellowship aspect without losing sight of the interrelatedness that informs the basic concept of emptiness. There is no separation between self and other, and my life exists only because of others. It is the power of others, the power-beyond-myself, that sustains my entire existence. We say there is no self, but another way to express it would be to say that when you have a near-death experience, the entire history of the universe ought to flash before your eyes. This vision is embedded in Shin within the story of Amida’s Pure Land, a representation of the liberated peace and bliss of nirvana. In Pure Land Buddhism we say that we wish to be born together with all beings in the Pure Land, so again we see the emphasis on togetherness. We seek a common destination that will be acceptable to all people. In this life, we have separations and disputes with other people based on our deluded egos: this is a fact of living that we cannot fully overcome. The story of the Pure Land upholds our greatest values, confirming that even though we are imperfect, we are embraced by great compassion, and even though we are unable to get along now, our goal is total reconciliation and togetherness. Shinran expressed this well in A Record in Lament of Divergences, when he contrasted the Pure Land path with that of the sages. He said that the path of sages is to have pity and look down toward other beings. Sages are great Buddhist saints who by their own efforts have achieved freedom. But because they have separated themselves off to reach freedom, they cannot feel the pains of ordinary beings: they look down with pity upon the rest of us. The path of the Pure Land, by contrast, is to be born together with other beings into nirvana, the Pure Land, and then to immediately return to help others forever and ever. This Pure Land type of compassion keeps the practitioner in constant relationship to others, not separating him off as a saint. There is no separation between self and other, and my life exists only because of others. It is the power of others, the power-beyond-myself, that sustains my entire existence. We may try to become holy, pure, or good enough to qualify to enter heaven or achieve buddhahood, but life is hard and we are weak, and few people can measure up to the standards set by religion. Worse yet, if we do manage to make some progress, that itself turns into an obstacle. The holier we get, the more puffed up our egos often become, and this removes us from fellowship with other ordinary people. I’ve experienced this myself. In the quest to kill the ego, we feed it ever more food and tell ourselves that we are becoming truly spiritual. But if you become a saint, you are different from suffering beings and can no longer relate. Thus from Shinran’s perspective the arrogance of the saint represents a type of failure. A story in “Notes on Oral Teachings,” an account of teachings given by Shinran, provides another example of the Pure Land view of compassion. The story may not be accurate, but it reflects Shinran’s spirit well. In it, Shinran is recorded as saying that if someone loses a loved one and comes to you in distress, you should not get on your high horse. Instead, you should briefly teach them the dharma, Shinran said, and then drink with them. When they can smile and forget their pain for a little while, you leave them be. I don’t know whether or not this is the best response, and as I said, the story may not be true, but it points to the feeling of Shin. You don’t deliver an abstract lesson about why people shouldn’t be attached to anything because all things arise and pass away: you just get right down there with the person who’s suffering and share their sorrow, drinking together and cheering them with your companionship. This is acting from the recognition of inner togetherness, a recognition that brings you toward others rather than removing you from the everyday world Related: Pure and Simple Practice In Buddhism we talk about how we seek to go over to the other shore, to nirvana, the Pure Land, buddhahood. But in the Shin tradition we don’t have to ferry ourselves all the way across the vast ocean of delusion. Instead, the other shore is constantly coming over here to us. In his most celebrated work, Kyogyoshinso (The True Teaching, Practice, and Realization of the Pure Land Way), Shinran says: “There has never been any separation: Amida’s vast vow always, of itself, grasps and holds beings. This is the necessary way of its working.” It is when we relax and trust that we are transformed. When he wrote to a follower in one of his letters, Shinran pointed to Jodo Shinshu’s unique emotional quality of gratitude: “Signs of long years of saying the nembutsu and aspiring for birth [in the pure land] can be seen in the change in the heart that had been bad and in the deep warmth for friends and fellow-practitioners.” Deep warmth for others is the sign of nembutsu coming to fruition in one’s life, not detachment. The true and real practice of the nembutsu does not beg for salvation, create good karma, focus the mind, or bring about any of the benefits that we vainly chase after. Instead, when we realize how we are benefitted just as we are, gratitude arises from within and we express it by saying nembutsu with joy and humility. Nembutsu, therefore, is a grateful expression of thanksgiving: it is an end, not a means. The path has already been accomplished for us, and our part is simply to relax, trust, and say “Thank you,” Namo Amida Butsu. Inner togetherness is also a vision of totality: All beings will be born together, all are embraced. In The True Teaching, Shinran quotes the Nirvana Sutra (Mahaparinirvana Sutra) as follows: “All sentient beings without fail ultimately realize great shinjin (the trusting heart of awakening).” This vision of Shinran’s was so expansive that elsewhere he said that 10 billion maras (demon-like beings in Buddhist mythology) were liberated when the Moon Matrix Sutra was preached, and that in the Sun Matrix Sutra the king mara (i.e., Satan himself) was converted to Buddhism and worshipped the Buddha. That’s an incredible concept. If even Mara will be liberated, that means that all beings, even those we hate, will be freed. And it means that even the aspects of ourselves that we hate the most will nonetheless be released in the end. Shinran doesn’t stop there, however. In Notes on “Essentials of Faith Alone,” Shinran proclaims that “this Tathagata [Amida Buddha] pervades the countless worlds; it fills the hearts and minds of the ocean of all beings. Thus, plants, trees, and land all attain buddhahood.” Related: Jodo Shinshu: The Way of Shinran Given that religion so often focuses on dividing the world into some version of the saved and the damned and on proclaiming how other people are justifiable objects of our suspicion and even hate, Shin’s all-embracing teaching is, I think, radical. Because we are used to confirming our prejudices, it can also be an uncomfortable one. If you take a moment to think of two or three people you dislike, you’ll see what I mean. Perhaps it’s a coworker, a politician, a neighbor, or even a family member—the Shin teaching says that that person is valued just as much as you, and that they too are destined for the Pure Land. You can’t get away from them, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton included. When we awaken to our togetherness with others, our experiences give rise to gratitude. And gratitude, in the Shin tradition, is expressed through nembutsu. Shin theory usually involves emotional expression rather than dry assent to beliefs and doctrines. We are at our best when we are moved by the dharma, and the emotional feeling of inner togetherness with others can help us to expand the circle to encompass all of North American society and beyond. Well, that is it. I realise it is long and many will not be particularly interested, yet I find the essay illuminating as far as my own journey/path/stumbling odyssey is concerned. Thank you.

There is no doubt that our own darkest times can become over time a source of light for others. But yes, such a wastage when looked at from most perspectives. I spoke of my own GP who took his own life. For twenty years or so he was there when I entered his surgery, pictures of his family on his desk, always a smile. He had to listen to me. So shocking when I read that he had taken his own life. What was there behind the smile? It's one reason why I will often talk now, try to tell it like it is. "We have to do it ourselves, yet we cannot do it alone...." , something like that. All the best.

Sounds like Tim Minchin is the Aussie answer to Billy Connolly. 😊

Hi Paul, sorry to hear it. Never been suicidal myself - that's the first thing the "experts" ask about. All things pass. All things can be learnt from but a lot of learning is painful. All the best. Derek

I think that we all have our personal stories. But not simply one. Our stories can be told from various perspectives. They shift and change as we look back and maybe see new meanings to what happened. The future is an unfolding of novelty - there is always something new under the sun. Here is a story of mine, posted recently on a Buddhist Forum. The perspective is my own battle with depression/anxiety - I think now that even giving it a name can create confusion. Simply cut and paste, no attempt to cut for this particular forum. Maybe others can relate, maybe not. Cut and paste begins:- A little while ago, on another forum, I would post what I called "Memos from the Pure Land". I simply rambled on, pretty spontaneous stuff. Talking to myself really. Few seemed to latch onto my sense of humour. I mean......"pure land".....😀 Anyway, this Forum seems the next best thing to talking to myself and elsewhere here I have been encouraged to share anything about mental health issues. Does it relate to the Dharma. Well, of course it does. What doesn't? Twenty or so years back I never knew the meaning of depression. I suspect that many still don't.......the "go home and pull yourself together" types, the "man up" sort. As I understood it, depression was just feeling a bit low when you had to go back to work after a good holiday. I knew no better (or is it "worse"?) My dad died. Unable to truly grieve, no time, because my mum was descending into dementia and I was the sole one in the family within distance to help. The poor thing seemed to think she was a little six year old again and she spoke to me as if I was her little sister. I had my own young family, I needed overtime to make ends meet. I was running around like a maniac trying to keep it all together. Then amid it all, a health scare. A lump. Tests, tubes up everywhere. But in the end nothing serious. Others told me to lay back a bit, but at the time I actually felt OK. But when mum died, and some of the pressure was lifted, true depression hit. Impossible to describe unless you have been there. Two years in which I eventually lost my job (because of having to take so much time off), taking an assortment of pills, medication. Fortunately I had a good young doctor who understood (who has since taken his own life, but that is another story) One day, after two years, the full weight of the depression simply lifted. Literally. I remember the exact time and place. It took about 15 months to kick the medication completely, and daily meditation helped. For the next ten years or so I was on an even keel. Often a great sense of well being. Positive. Then out of the blue, no particular reason this time, suddenly engulfed in intense anxiety/depression/who knows what. Back on medication, which helped. And life resumed. Then early this year, feeling "cured" and wondering if I actually needed the medication I was on (paroxetine) , without consulting anyone, I began to cut down. And cut down. All went well for about six weeks, I was down to half a tablet every two days. Felt fine. Then it hit. The next 8 weeks or so were the worst of my life. The NHS crisis helpline. The Samaritans. Other organisations. At one point I simply froze and said: I need help......I meant I would need to be sectioned, taken away. But my dear wife simply thought I was asking for help getting a couple of carrier bags to my daughter's house and then collecting our two grandchildren from school. She said to ring a mate, who would drive me there. I did, he was available, he hung around for a few hours, we talked, I opened my heart a bit. He is a good mate. I just might owe him my life, who knows just how bad it can get. Good friends just might be the Dharma personified. I'm now back on medication. I've actually had face to face consultations with my GP. But my days are varied. The anxiety or whatever it is shifts and changes like a fog, lifting and dropping back - not like it has always been before, a great weight that simply engulfs you all the time. And yes, I think of others. I care for my wife, who is far less mobile than myself. She has had one hip replacement (we had to pay privately), one knee (NHS) and has been told the other hip and knee need doing, but finance dictates that it will have to be NHS, which means in effect that they will not be done. I have weekly grandchildren duties. My daughter is a Care Worker and her shifts mean that we have to step in a few days each week, ferrying the grandchildren to school, bringing them back to ours, whatever. Lovely children, 8 (girl) and boy (10), the light of our lives. The buses around here provide a very poor service. It means taxi's both ways. Others again. I have done a four hour stint at Oxfam for about eight years, even two stints a week just after the Lockdowns when a few volunteers never returned. But the second stint had to stop, what with our rotas involving the grandchildren. Days spent at a Special Needs Adventure Playground, when my daughter worked there. They were always short of helpers. Then saturday mornings at a Physically Handicapped Sports Centre. Again, about 7 years as an Age Concern Befriender volunteer, popping in to visit those feeling lonely and isolated. This until the funding was pulled by our County Council. Not seeking applause. As the emperor of China was told by Bodhidharma, when boasting of his good works, and asking what merit he had earned........ "None whatsoever". Yes, I get it. I really do. Well, that's it. Sorry to have taken up anyone's time. But I do find rambling on therapeutic. It helps. We live now in a very surreal world. I can barely relate to events around that actually fill the pages of our newspapers. May true Dharma continue. No blame. Be kind. Love everything. Thank you if you have trawled through all this. I can recommend the coffee in McDonalds. Cut and paste ends. If anyone can relate. Fine. Thanks Derek

Hi Brad, just a few thoughts. You may find such a group but it's difficult for me to grasp the format. When anyone gets beyond studying the Bible with the intent to determine its "intended meaning" (by God) and then to understand the "true" doctrines of salvation, they enter the realm of the Living Word, begin to seek and know the Universal Christ, a reality beyond the so called Jesus of History. The implication is that we begin to find our own stories (A poster here, Robert, can be referred to) which are each unique, beyond formulas, creeds or dogmas. So in effect such a study group would simply share their stories, well beyond any pouring over textual details that would reveal some one meaning fit for all. Relevant to this are some words of an old favorite of mine, Thomas Merton:- The purpose of a book of meditations is not to teach you how to think and not to do your thinking for you. Consequently if you pick up such a book and simply read it through, you are wasting your time. As soon as any thought stimulates your mind or your heart you can put the book down because your meditation has begun. To think that you are somehow obliged to follow the author of the book to his own particular conclusion would be a great mistake. It may happen that his conclusion does not apply to you. God may want you to end up somewhere else. He may have planned to give you quite a different grace than the one the author suggests you might be needing. Another dimension to this is that entering our very own unique stories can be a lonely path. It needs courage. We can become lost. But we can find that in our daily living we spontaneously share our stories. Yet not so much in the "telling" of them specifically, but in the "cut of our jib" (to use a phrase....😊) "For the earth brings forth fruits of herself"

You will not wander far within the quagmire of any Buddhist Forum before encountering the Two Truth's Doctrine. Absolute and relative - or various other opposites, until the mind reels away....... "conventional" and absolute is another one. Maybe we could even think in terms of "intuitive" and "as Einstein explains it"! At the moment I'm participating on a Mahayana Buddhist forum. Lots of "screen" names there that are pretty pretentious, almost as bad as Tariki! Anyway, most ignore me. Which is possibly for the best. A thread there was begun on the Two Truths doctrine and feeling fairly "tight" this morning with my mental health issues I headed for McDonalds, braced myself with a stiff coffee and waded in. I really do find the world around me more and more surreal, but find in this a bonus. I simply tend to lose all restraint on what I say. Here is my post:- I wouldn't really call it a doctrine. More just the almost necessary complications once we decide that surely this can't be "it". Then in comes a host of various ideas, concepts and explanations, satisfying to some, called into question by others. The necessary simplicity will always be complex in attempts at explanation as words -and duality - capture us. "A condition of complete simplicity (costing not less than everything)" as T. S.Eliot has it. But as he is not an eastern guru - or at least has assumed no pretentious name - many will pay no attention. Another from Mr Eliot is:- We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time Then we can have W. H. Auden:- For the garden is the only place there is, but you will not find it Until you have looked for it everywhere and found nowhere that is not a desert. The miracle is the only thing that happens, but to you it will not be apparent Until all events have been studied and nothing happens to you that you cannot explain. Life is the destiny you are bound to refuse until you have consented to die. In zen, the mountains are mountains, and rivers are rivers.......then we begin our search because this is not enough.......eventually they return as what they have always been, this if we have consented to die. There are many forms of death between the mountains resuming their own paricularity. Samsara is nirvana, therefore there is no betrayal of this world for any imagined "other". Most "religion" is such a betrayal. To be honest, I have no idea exactly where I am. The complexity confuses me. I tend to see that the journey itself is home and the seeing of this deepens, though as Dogen says:- "nothing is concealed". "Now" is the only moment. The "mystery" is ever before us, yet there is "a movement towards Buddha". I love his words and poetry. My quotes are over. I can now safely be ignored. May true Dharma continue. No blame. Be kind. Love everything. Well, that was it. Those familiar with my ramblings here will recognise some familiar quotes, and possibly be astounded that there are none from Thomas Merton. And so, as this is a Christian forum (progressive or not......🙂 ) I will end with a few of his words, drawn from his essay "A Study of Chuang Tzu".... The way of Tao is to begin with the simple good with which one is endowed by the very fact of existence. Instead of self-conscious cultivation of this good (which vanishes when we look at it and becomes intangible when we try to grasp it), we grow quietly in the humility of a simple, ordinary life, and this way is analogous (at least psychologically) to the Christian “life of faith.” It is more a matter of believing the good than of seeing it as the fruit of one’s effort. Yes, coming back to where we began and knowing it for the first time.

Just to share, one from Emily Dickinson. Hope” is the thing with feathers – That perches in the soul – And sings the tune without the words – And never stops – at all – And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard – And sore must be the storm – That could abash the little Bird That kept so many warm – I’ve heard it in the chillest land – And on the strangest Sea – Yet – never – in Extremity, It asked a crumb – of me.

As I see it, events happen. Now and in the past. Much like a rorschach test, we throw our conceptual formulations upon them. The problem is that the "formulations" can be taken as ultimately "real", final, a conclusion. Worse, that just one is the ultimate "real" as intended by a transcendent being who is "communicating" with us, seeking us, looking for us to obey. A reward in some future realm beyond this one. The "real" as I see it is transcendent to thought. Our minds can seek the "real" by logic, our own particular quest, what can be an eternal dialectic of reason. An eternal conflict in reason. But reason will never lead us to the Real simply because the Real is freedom itself, forever advancing into novelty. As I see it, Faith is closer to the Real than any belief or doctrine. A faith that lets go and seeks not to cling to any of our current understandings, seeing these more as a raft, "for passing over, not for grasping". In this sense, life is "meaningless" and nothing is concealed, or awaiting our discovery at some future date. In the "now" is everything, yet, paradoxically, with a movement forward. Forward into greater transparency and intimacy. While on my own travels I still feel the need to keep a close watch on my mind/heart, that it does not become cold. To be accepting of others, each on their own journey, often one beyond my own experience. This morning has been tough for me, mental health wise. Now, with a coffee in McDonalds, a few things brighten. No blame. Be kind. Love everything

Just saw this thread. A chance to share the closing section of "Little Gidding", the last quartet of T.S.Eliot's "Four Quartets":- We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. Through the unknown, remembered gate When the last of earth left to discover Is that which was the beginning; At the source of the longest river The voice of the hidden waterfall And the children in the apple-tree Not known, because not looked for But heard, half-heard, in the stillness Between two waves of the sea. Quick now, here, now, always— A condition of complete simplicity (Costing not less than everything) And all shall be well and All manner of thing shall be well When the tongues of flame are in-folded Into the crowned knot of fire And the fire and the rose are one.

Hello again, just took a look at a sample of your book. I certainly like the idea of the creation of stories from any scripture, especially if deeply personalised. This rather than the creation of doctrines. In a way it reminds me of the Jewish approach to scripture, extracting new realities, finding ever fresh meanings relevant to their own time and place. The living word.

I have finally, after about 40,000 Forum posts on various forums, and close to 200 Blog entries, actually completed a short story. I'll "premier" it here. Although based upon true events, it is a work of fiction and one name has been changed to protect the innocent! The story is called:- Bringing in the Sheaves He was afraid of being late. Just the previous wednesday he had come into the Gospel Hall only a few minutes after the start of prayers and the disturbing rustle and loud "tut tuts" still echoed in his mind. One must not keep the Lord waiting. He passed a man sleeping in a doorway, not giving him much of a glance, and carried on down the sunday morning street, heading for the distant corner. He could see his small group already beginning to congregate, the familiar faces, the microphone already set up. One of the group, Daniel Wollett, unelected leader, was busy with his sign and bible, organising. Reaching them he said a few "hello's" and was greeted. Not really late this time. Mercy. Forgiveness. As the group settled down, Wollett placed the sign - a gaudy placard - down against the foot of the microphone, it's legend facing the street: "Where Will YOU Spend Eternity?" it read, asked, or accused. Returning to the group, Wollett suggested "How Great Thou Art" as the opening hymn. Each finding the appropriate page, and with no accompaniment, they gave voice. A few passers-by looked across but continued on their way. The hymn finished, Wollett gathered himself, an ungainly man. He then went lumbering forward, resembling a jungle fresh orangutan, arms a-gaggle and rump extended; though more perhaps a latter day Quasimodo, his thick black bible clasped in hand. Reaching the microphone, he gripped it firmly, then immediately pointed down to the sign beneath. "Where will you spend eternity" he boomed. Then a calculated pause. "Yes, my friends, where?" he resumed. Friends? One really did have need to wonder. Nevertheless, Wollett continued with his oft repeated sermon. "Heaven or hell, there is no other choice!" Wollett continued with his so well known exhortations. "Some people say that they won't mind being in hell as all their friends will be there!" Here he stopped, to chuckle, to demonstrate that he too had a sense of humour despite all evidence to the contrary. But then, gathering himself: "But friendship is a God given gift and hell is where God is not. No, you will have no friends in hell". Again he stopped, this time to allow the depth and subtleties of his theology to sink into the minds and hearts of his listeners, who by now were reduced to a couple of jeering youths and a stray dog, the rich in spirit having long disappeared up some opportune side alley. Some dark clouds had been gathering. The small congregation looked about, perhaps concerned that a deluge might well drive them from the street even as Daniel Wollett concluded his sermon. But the rain held off and Wollett retired back from the microphone, allowing another member to step forward, a younger lad, less assured yet eager to speak. His message was of the imminent return of the Lord "in the air" and of the Rapture when "those who knew Him" would be called forth from the multitudes below to received their due reward. "Those that have the Son shall have life. Those that have not the Son shall not have life" the young man announced. Just then, as he said this, the man who had been seen earlier sleeping in the doorway approached the group, staggering slightly, much the worst for drink. As he reached the gospel group he stopped for a moment, lurched, pointed at them, and said: "Bastards"! A great host of indrawn breaths, of shocked indignation. The young man at the microphone could do no more than repeat his last line, but now quoting the exact New Testament verse: "He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life." Daring disagreement. Loudly. The drunk man lurched slightly then began to move away. But turning at a distance he cried out: "We all have the Son!" and then with another accusing cry of "bastards" he staggered slowly away. As the gospel group watched him slump down into another doorway further down the street, they regrouped back from the microphone, Wollett with his Bible open, pointing at a verse considered relevant. The current speaker concluded his own message, this coupled with an exhortation to come forward to "accept the Lord", assuring all that it was never too late. Yet few there were who were even listening. As storm clouds gathered a final hymn was decided upon. In a small semi-circle around the microphone, the group gave voice: "Sowing in the morning, sowing seeds of kindness......." Thunder began to rumble, then an almighty crack. Yet the rain held off. All that then could be heard was the strangled strains of "Bringing In the Sheaves", while the drunken man, who had not long ago sunk down into the nearby doorway, appeared to have moved along.

Hi Robert, always interesting to hear various stories. I'm not really sure what you exactly mean by your "storytelling" interests. Fiction? Non-fiction? For what purpose? I think that we all have stories to tell. I remember some testimony given by an old resident in a nursing home, responding to the need to be heard. Heard......if they only understood how important it is that we be heard! I can take being in a nursing home. It's really all right, with a positive attitude. My daughter has her hands full, three kids and a job. She visits regularly. I understand. But most people here......they just want to tell their story. That's all they have to give, don't you see? And it's a precious thing to them. It's their life they want to give. You'd think.people would understand what it means to us.....to give our lives in a story. So we listen to each other. Most of what goes on here is people listening to each other's stories. People who work here consider that to be.......filling time. If they only knew. If they'd just take a minute to listen! Yes, very important to listen to each other. We live in the "age of communication" yet actual communication is at a premium, between individuals and countries. Strangely, I don't seem to have a "story" of my own. I think I'm falling into that "Krapp's Last Tape" moment, of losing connection with all my ancient narratives that held my "self" together. But whatever, pleased to meet you, if only in cyberspace. Derek

To be honest I just have little hope. Irrespective of PM or Party. More anti-Tory than being positive about anything else. My hope rests more with common or garden individuals facing their various trials and tribulations and coming up smiling. Mr Sunak is new to politics, first elected MP via a very safe Tory seat in 2015. Maybe the fact that he is a multi-millionaire swayed the choice of the local Conservative Party. He supported Brexit. As Chancellor, irrespective of his "core values" he in fact raised taxes and was found guilty of breaking the very same Covid restrictions as Boris Johnson. He has four homes, one a large mansion, and I expect him to be able to keep his swimming pool warm at a cost of £14,000 a year, in contrast to many of our pensioners who are now fearing the winter cold given the energy price rises. His wife, a billionaire, claimed "non-dom" status in the UK and thus avoided paying tax - this until it was exposed. But he claims to "understand" the cost of living crisis, but shows no sign of acknowledging his own part, and that of his Party, in creating it. It is a constant mantra of "global problems". The general prediction is that another round of "austerity" and public spending cuts are ahead. But many are already at the end of the line. Personally I am OK. We have known it hard in the past but now fortunately can help our daughter manage. She is a Care Worker, low paid. At least the Tories have taken away the cap on bonuses for bankers (one of the few things not reversed from the Truss "era") Happy days.

Yes, ways and means. Our tent, their tent, shared tents. Our own intent. The world just keeps revolving.

The 2022 soccer World Cup is soon to begin. Awarded to that hotbed of soccer, Qatar - one can only presume because of some form of distribution of Oil Billions - the brand new stadiums have been completed with the loss of about 6500 lives. For a month or so many footballers, paid more in a week than a front line nurse in the UK can earn in ten years, will do their thing, with all the various goal celebrations. VAR (video assisted referee) will be in operation to ensure that the "correct decision is given everytime" (ha ha......actually the only way to ensure this is to apply the rule that "the referees decision is final".....but hey, who can argue with technology?) My daughter and I, both lovers of the game (which one older footballer, Danny Blanchflower, once said was "all about glory") have decided to boycott the "beautiful game." I can confirm that yes, I am becoming a grumpy old man.