Eclectic Chad

I hear the joke conservatives make all the time about liberals and relativism: "If someone says 'there is no absolute truth', then they have claimed an absolute truth!". Personally, I actually agree with this in a way. I believe there *is* an absolute truth - however, I also believe that *no* religion, *including* Christianity, has really fully 'hit it' yet. Perhaps the absolute truth that God/Higher Power wants us to achieve is the ultimate love for oneself, one's neighbors, and one's environment that most religions teach. Or perhaps that it is something that runs deeper, that humankind has not yet evolved the capability to understand yet.

I love the COEXIST one! I have it on my car

My grandmother died last weekend and I couldn't cry. When my other grandparents died I cried when I found out, when I saw them, and during the funeral. I didn't cry during any of these times for my grandmother. I knew there was a reason I wasn't crying but couldn't figure it out. After the graveside service I sat in a chair and closed my eyes. I found myself "talking" to her. I told her I didn't believe in her god and a lot of stuff I could never tell her in real life.

 

The point is that in the long run it doesn't help to hide we are from our parents/families. My family has come to an understanding -- we rarely discuss religion or politics. But, there is an awareness that my younger sister and I are both different in our beliefs than the rest of the family.

 

You are an adult, Chad. There is no reason for you to be ashamed or embarassed aobut your beliefs. My mom is also good at guilt. If I can't sleep at night I must feel guilty about something. I've learned to simply ignore it, not easy, but I'm getting better. I sometimes will contradict her. Not easy -- and I live across the country from them and have 13 years on you!

 

If you feel a need to rebel now and sneak behind there back, go for it. Like you, I never rebelled as a teenager. OTOH, I spent most of my 20's angry with my parents and avoiding them. It wasn't until I hit my 30's that I was able to do the work necessary to be able to begin to build any kind of relationship with them.

 

Taking into account what you've said about your mom, burning bridges might not be so bad. Sometimes it is best to cut abusive ties. Is there any way you could move out sooner? Live in the same area with someone else? You may find help with a church that you are interested in attending.

 

Hope something in there helped.

Thanks for the advice and input. I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother's death.

In all honesty, I'm waiting to express the extent of my true beliefs for two reasons: (1)I want to wait until I have them a little more solidified so I can defend myself as best I can; (2) I'm also kind of waiting until I move out. It's alot easier to be honest with my mom and hang up the phone if she won't discuss it rationally, than having to live with her with no privacy. And I would *love* to move out now if I could. However, doing so would make it harder financially to save up enough $ to move to Chicago next year. At least this way, I don't have to pay for meals, rent, etc.

Really? I thought I read somewhere that Southern Baptists started because of the issue of African-Americans' role in the church, in the days following the Civil War. That doesn't sound very free-thinking to me. Although, I suppose they could shift in cycles.

My goal is to move to Chicago sometime next year. Once there, the two places I think I'll be most likely to look into are a Unitarian Universalist Church, and I've become very into Druidry, so I may look into finding a Druid organization as well.

As far as the 'not burning bridges' thing goes..... I agree with you on that. Part of the problem I have there, I guess, is that my relationship with my parents isn't *that* close, and kind of superficial. Our family has a lot of baggage - I was pretty much emotionally, verbally, and spiritually abused; my mom lied to me until I was 12 about who my father actually was(my stepdad adopted me, and then they told me he was my birth dad until that time). Fun junk like that.

I talked to my parents about me going to a different church,at least on occasion. I worded it by saying I was wanting to expand my horizons, see how other denoms work. My mom's basic reaction was: "Just wait until you move to Chicago! I don't know what you're looking for in life!" kind of sarcastic, and then kind of griped about some of the problems and transitioning going on in the church(they're getting a new minister July 16th). So, as I see it now, I have 3 options, which I am undecided on:

1)comply and just go with my parents, and grin and bear it and be REALLY GLAD when I move to Chicago. This is one option because it keeps the peace, avoids conflict.... and with my new job, I'll be working every other weekend and several nights anyways.

2)tell my mom I'm going to a different church, no arguments. This is good because I'm standing up for myself at least a little.

3)DON'T tell my mom I'm going to a different church,and just go, and let her figure it out when I don't show up. This is an option because honestly, I'm starting to feel rebellious and get tired of feeling like I always have to answer to her. Especially since I'm 23 years old. Unlike most teenagers, I never did anything against her will as a teenager, yet she still treated me like dirt. So a small part of me is thinking "I'll be rebellious now. better late than never." On a more practical side, my mom has before gotten the impression that my mentioning something equals guilt. She's said many times before something along the lines of "Well you feel bad about it, otherwise you wouldn't be talking about it."

Any advice? Suggestions?

I read about. Sometimes I can tell if something is good by the negative response I suspect her appointment is a very good thing!

That will be a good way for you to break away from the church. Get as many Sunday mornings as you can! I couldn't break until I went to college. Then I suffered through the first summer home. The second and third summers I made sure I had jobs elsewhere so I didn't even go home!

Yeah, I'm pretty much gonna be scheduled to work every other weekend, I think. And several nights and overnights(I work at a group home with DSS kids). I'm still considering talking to my family about trying out a different church - whether or not I should bother b/c of my work schedule, how I would approach it, etc.

yeah, I'm hesitant to use the word 'gentle' to describe anything or anyone Southern Baptist - speaking as someone who was raised SB, and still has to attend a SB church w/ family. Thankfully, my new job will require me to work on weekends alot. lol.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. I do definitely plan on moving out. We currently live in NC. I have plans to move to the Chicago area. Could be as early as this fall, or as late as June of next year..... pending some details on the job front and of course, apartment search.

I didn't - and won't - go to Divinity School. But studying religion at my moderate/liberal Baptist University certainly shaped who I am today. Going into college, I was already more moderate and less conservative than my parents, I was just afraid to admit it(lots of long stories there). Through college, seeing the hypocrisy of certain christian students, as well as learning some of the things I learned in classes, finally led me to becoming open to the world of the liberal questioner.

Which makes it aggravating to have to still live with my conservative family. Last time my mom and I got in a serious religious conversation, she told me that I was hard-hearted and evil, and would probably die soon because I was turning away from God.

I agree, Luth. The older I get, the more tolerant and liberal I become.

As for me, I would definitely classify myself as a seeker at this time of my life. I love asking the questions. Sometimes I obsess over it (I think I'm borderline-OCD; I ask questions and obsess, then get frustrated when I can't come up with answers that make sense to me right away o.O). I may enter the 'knowing' phase in the future, but that is yet to be determined. And it will be awhile - I'm only 23, after all.

I have "The Idiot's Guide to the Gnostic Gospels". Pretty interesting read; haven't finished it yet. I also have 'The Other Bible' which I have read a little of as well - it's very fascinating.

I didn't see it, but I agree. If God cleaned up after our messes, we would never learn anything except that he was a maid service.

I know what you mean. It is hard for me to not cringe hearing conservative Christian language, esp. since I'm still living in my conservative family.

I haven't read the book or seen the movie yet, but I want to. Personally, I don't think Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene. Scholars have pointed out that married women would have taken on their husbands name, or something like that, if I remember correctly. Her using her hometown(Magdala) indicates she probably wasn't married. I do, however, think Jesus was probably married to *someone*.

Hi, all! Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Chad, I'm 23 years old, and somewhat eclectic in my religious beliefs. If you'd like details, feel free to ask, or perhaps I'll divulge more later when I have some time and get to know people better.

My deal is this: I'm a recent college graduate who still lives with his family of strict Southern Baptists. I do not feel I can stay at that church much longer, as the older and wiser I get, the less I can tolerate dogma. I think I may start looking for a church different from that of my parents. I'm a member of the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Larger Fellowship(parents don't know), but I can't go to a 'brick and mortar' UU church because (a) living with my parents would be intolerable if I went to a church that was *that* liberal, and ( b ) I don't leave near one anyways. So I'm looking for a church that is not necessarily as liberal as UU, but not as fundamentalist as Southern Baptist - a kind of 'happy medium' where I can still get spiritually fed until I move out on my own (I live in NC, and next year I'm moving to Chicago). My question is: what are some of the more liberal Christian denominations? I'm having a hard time finding info about that. I know there's United Church of Christ, but the nearest one is a large distance away.