Jessie Estelle

I met God at 38 after spending my life as an atheist. I’m not here to testify, but to say I feel very alone, as the churches I have been to I’ve yet to feel a connection to spiritually. If you will, please allow me to describe what I know and feel and maybe help me understand what denominations or fellowships I should “try”, because, as it is now, every church I’ve been to is rather alienating for me. - I do not feel killing in the name of God is justified. Period. I am inflexible on that belief. I do not care if it is a doctor that practices abortions. They are God’s children, too. I wish to be a part of creating a world where abortions are not necessary, but I do not believe that terrorizing women or murdering health care providers is anything close to what a benevolent God wants. - I believe Jesus was the SON of God, not God himself. - I do not hate the LGBTQ community nor think they are ‘unnatural’, ‘perverts’, or inherently sinful any more than heterosexuals. I see homosexuality, bisexuality, and transgender occurrences in the rest of the animal kingdom, therefore I find it a rather dubious assumption that it does not occur naturally in our species. God may not make mistakes, but we’ve fed our children synthetic hormones, and various other questionable substances in utero , it is perfectly understandable they may not have been born the gender they actually feel they are. - I am not anti-vaccination, nor am I against modern medicine. I am against cruelty in any form, though. - I have Buddist sympathies and honestly feel that God has enlightened people from all over the world, during all parts of human history, and though they may not have identified as Christian, their teachings have been too akin to Christ’s message to overlook or dismiss. - I believe in an afterlife. I do not know what that looks like, but I know our conscious energy goes somewhere or transfers to something after death. - I do not believe the Bible literally. I believe most if the Old Testament was a collection of parables plagiarized from various sects that came before Christianity as guidelines to educate the illiterate masses on living a good life and that Christ even hinted at that by educating His followers about the “new laws”. - I take most of what Paul writes as the words of a fallible human being who, though sincere in his beliefs, added his own prejudiced view to his writings. - I believed Jesus Christ loved women just as much as men as is evident when He protected a woman from stoning and that Mary, his mother, Mary Magdalen, and Salome were the first to find that His body was no longer in the tomb after His crucifixion . By denying women positions of authority in a Christ based church, is directly opposed to Christ’s teachings and message. - I feel the only answer to war as a follower of Christ is as a conscientious objector and to pray for the wounded, dead, and orphaned on both sides as well as aiding in treating injuries to ALL the wounded, as I strongly feel Jesus Christ would want. I’m also twice divorced, a smoker, wear make up, and am constantly trying to purge myself of prejudices and hang ups as they arise; I’m far from perfect and I admit it. My closest held belief is that we have two routes we can travel as a individuals and as a whole… Apex Predator or Steward. I believe Christ’s teachings foster Stewardship and it is evil that perpetuates the apex predator mentality. For geographical reference, I live near and work in Portland, Oregon. So, now I implore you, where is my church?