Kids' Answers

[des]

I have seen several of these, but I think this one is about the cutest.

Just passing it around as it made me smile.

 

--des

 

HIS COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.

 

 

 

 KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.

 

 

 

 THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR THE SPELLING CORRECTED.  

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 1.  IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS, GOD GOT TIRED OF

 

 

 

 CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

 

 

 

 2.  ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.

 

 

 

 NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK.  NOAH BUILT ANDARKAND THE ANIMALS CAME ON

 

 

 

 IN PEARS.

 

 

 

 3.  LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

 

 

 

 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

 

 

 

 5.  SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL

 

 

 

 LIKE DELILAH.

 

 

 

 6.  SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

 

 

 

 7.  MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD

 

 

 

 WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

 

 

 

 8,  THE EGYPTIANS WERE  ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

 

 

 

 9.  THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

 

 

 

 10.  THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

 

 

 

 11.  MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA.  THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

 

 

 

 12.  THE GREATEST MIRACLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO

 

 

 

 STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

 

 

 

 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR.  HE

 

 

 

 FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

 

 

 

 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

 

 

 

 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA

 

 

 

 CARTA.

 

 

 

 16.  WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

 

 

 

 17.  JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

 

 

 

 18.  ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

 

 

 

 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS

 

 

 

 BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU.  HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

 

 

 

 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBS TONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

 

 

 

 21.  THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

 

 

 

 22.  THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

 

 

 

 23.  ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

 

 

 

 24.  ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

 

 25.  CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE.  THIS IS CALLED MONOTON

[flowperson]

Strangely enough, it all makes sense to me now.

[FredP]

 3.  LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

This one was my favorite. I guess that goes to show where my mind is.

[MOW]

Great Stuff! Jesus said one had to become as a child to enter The

Kingdom of God. One of the main reasons for my acceptance and

admiration of Jesus was his love of children, even holding them up

as spiritual role models. I've heard that during Jesus' time children

were regarded as property, especially the girls.

 

As far as anyone knows did any other teacher of the ancient world

hold children in such high regard ? I was just wondering.

 

 

 

MOW

[flowperson]

I've absorbed a lot of information concerning the major, and some minor, religions over the years and, no, I cannot think of any other seer-master-leader that stresses such a heavy emphasis on children in the materials that they presented.

 

There are two perspectives to the issue that are , I believe, equally important. First, if we approach the world as a child, we are at risk and are vulnerable. We automatically open ourselves to exploitation and abuse by those who recognize the postures and attitudes inherent in these behavior patterns. I am not talking about assuming the role of a child, but disciplining oneself to look at the world in innocence as much as possible. Of course as adults this is often impossible to do. But with practice and discipline it can be attained to a degree. When these skills are acquired, then the world begins to show us things that we don't expect and sometimes do not like. But it all has the attribute of enabling us to "live in the moment" and see things around us for what they really are. It all enables us to string together new "patterns" of belief about the world around us. Sometimes this knowledge is unwanted and traumatizing, but one always learns from the process.

 

Second, children are inherently creative. If left alone, or if they are "only" children, they have the ability to create new realities around themselves that cement their meaning and place in the environments around them over time. This is an "inside" - "out" process, and involves the free flow of information and images, back and forth, between their environment and their brain. A sort of dance of creation as it were. And through this "dance" new futures are created moment to moment by them and for them. It is self-sufficiency at a basic level. I know it's not patriotic to say this, but a French educator, Piaget, first noticed the elements of all this quite some time ago when he defined the basics of the learning process to be "freedom, play,and choice".

 

I believe that Jesus was the ultimate futurist and rebel. That is why he was considered to be so dangerous to the "empire" people. But it is clear to me that He knew what the future would need from us for it to be made, and He advised us, accordingly, about 2,000 years ago.