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Being Transgender, Bisexual And Believing In God


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There aren't a lot of places for a transgender fourteen year old, even less for one who is also bisexual and even a smaller amount for a Christian one. I grew up in a strict atheist home where science was law and organized religion was looked down upon. When I came out to my mother as transgender the May of last year, she took it very poorly. I was mentally abused for months in my own home, and that was around the time where He took up the gaps of love that my mother left.

 

I still haven't read the entire Bible yet (I'm working on that right now, though). I don't own a cross, or any indication of my faith other than a paperback Bible that I bought when my school's photography club visited the flea market in the city for a field trip (which is hidden between my springboard and mattress when I go home on breaks). I haven't been baptized, nor have I set foot in a Christian chapel in over three years. I'm far from the typical Christian, but I believe in God, He gives me courage and wisdom and I know that he loves me for who I am.

 

I was hesitant to join a Christian forum before, because I was struggling with reconciling my sexuality and gender identity with my belief in God. I read lots of essays about being gay and Christian, but none about being transgender and Christian. However, one essay quoted a verse that struck a chord with me. Psalm 139:13 says "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." I thought on that quote for several months and finally was able to make sense of it. He created me exactly how I am supposed to be, bisexual, transgender and all, and I am not sinning for being myself.

 

I believe that He gave me this body that is incongruent with my inner self and tasked me with making the two match up. He told me that if I was able to be strong bear this burden, then I'd be a better person because of it. So in my eyes, I believe God made me exactly the way he meant to. I'm not a mistake, because He does not make mistakes. I don't know why I was chosen to bear this burden, but I am faithful that I will be a better man on the other side of my journey.

 

Thank you for listening to my story, and allowing me to ramble on for a few paragraphs.

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Vanlentulum,

 

Thank you for your story. While i lack the experience and understanding of such a predicament as yours i am confident through seeking love and peace in all things you will find both the strength and answers you need. While i do not know if we would be close friends, i for one accept you as you are and encourage you to continue this journey that is experienced by all who partake of this life. It is true that we are as we are but but in my view, what we are is deep within, and past the charade of this physical body and mind. May you be granted wisdom beyond your years to see both yourself and the world more clearly and with the deepest of understanding.

 

Love ,

Joseph

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Ian,

 

I can only imagine the difficulties associated with your sexuality and home life. And being an atheist myself, I'm probably not much good giving you spirtual support! But I am glad you have found something that gives you some peace in all that is going on in your life at this age.

 

I do find much wisdom and comfort in the bible, although I don't think it is 'from' any God in particular. In contrast, I find some pretty awful stuff in the bible allegedly of God too. I think much wisdom in the bible also shines through in many other religions and secular ways of thinking.

 

What I do think is best for our world is that we accept people for who they are and stop judging them, criticising them, and/or telling them they are bad or wrong because they don't fit the mould of what we define as 'normal'. Frankly, if who you are/what you do doesn't hurt anybody else, I'm good with it!

 

Peace & goodwill.

 

Paul

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Vanlentulum, thanks for sharing your story with us. My daughter came out as gay three years ago, which really caused us trouble in the church we were in at the time. They recommended reparative therapy for her to make her straight. We left that church. And then, about six months ago, she told us that she was transgender and wanted to transition. This has been an uncomfortable and emotional ride for us, as she was always our "baby girl." Regardless, we love her for who she is -- male, female, trans, it doesn't matter. We love and appreciate the person she has become and will become. And we know that as he begins his treatments and further operations, he will need our love and support. He will need courage to face this. Personally, I'm not sure how far I can buy into the theology that God individually forms each of us in our mothers' wombs, but I would say that nature exhibits a very wide variety in all things and that this variety is to be celebrated if we are to grow as human beings.

"I believe that He gave me this body that is incongruent with my inner self and tasked me with making the two match up." My daughter says almost the same exact thing. I can only imagine her pain and struggle. But I promised her that I would be there during and after the transition. We will find a way. It takes bravery, as you know, to get outside of the box. But that is where life is found. Best wishes on your journey.

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Vanlentulum, one other small word of encouragement if I may. My wife's family, though they love my daughter, think she is wrong to transition. They believe that God created her to be a female and, therefore, it is wrong for her to want to change into a male. So they don't have a clue as to the dysphoria that my daughter experiences. Interestingly, we have a niece who was born with some physical birth defects and her parents took every step they could to rectify those defects. So though they may believe that God formed my niece in the womb with defects, they also, because they love her, availed themselves of modern medical resources to enable my niece to have the best life possible.

 

That is what we are doing for our daughter also. I don't walk in her shoes and experience the uncomfortableness that she does, feeling trapped in a body that doesn't feel like home. But because I love her, I want her to have the best life possible. If that means transitioning or transgendering, then so be it. I hope and pray that you, too, will find the support and understanding that you need to move forward, knowing that, yes, this is okay with God and that it is character, not gender, that defines us and our lives.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Vanlentulum, good luck with your journey. It seems you have made contact with your inner self, the divinity within and I hope it gives you solace and peace in difficut times as it has no sex.

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  • 1 month later...

Hello Ian!

It takes real courage to come out with your story, especially when coming out earned you abuse at home! So thank you for sharing it, you are a strong young person!

By the sounds of it you have not had an easy ride and have not found a safe place within Christian circles either, I am sorry to hear that!

How is it going with that? Have you found a safe place (in the physical world) since your last post?

Growing up in an atheistic environment, how did you come by Christianity? What attracts you to it?

I know Jesus would sit down with you and enjoy your company!

As would I!

May I ask, would you prefer being referred to as a male or a female? (Will help me in future posts ;).)

May the peace of God that transcends all understanding guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus!

Bless you!

Deborah

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I know several transgender Christians. One is extremely conservative, one is moderate, and one is extremely liberal. How they reconcile themselves to God and the scriptures is between them and God, but it seems highly illogical to me that an all powerful, all knowing, all loving Creator would make some sort of mistake in the creation process. I think your conclusion is correct. God made you the way you are on purpose. Psalm 139 is my favorite psalm because it reminds me that I am not a mistake and that God will chase me to the ends of the earth to form a relationship with me. And that God accepts me no matter what I do or where I go. There are churches in my city (in the reddest state in the union, Oklahoma) which are openly welcoming, accepting, and affirming of LGBTQ folks. If Oklahoma can have it, any state can. You can never go wrong with a United Church of Christ church when it comes to acceptance. Presbyterian Church USA is a good place to investigate as well. I hope your parents will find a way to support you in your Christian journey.

 

I know that so many transgender kids never live to see 18. I hope that that option is off the table for you. You can reach out to anybody here if you find yourself struggling with this.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks for sharing. I think we all have troubles reconciling our true, inner self with the outer world. Even though I'm heterosexual, I've had challenges with all my insecurities and trying to conform my life and relationships to what they're "supposed to be" . If that makes sense. What I've found is that you have to be you. I really believe that God works in honesty and authenticity. Even in heterosexual marriages, some people know deep down that they aren't being true to themselves, and although they love the person, they're inner self isn't connecting or being it's "real"self. I've found that much religious doctrine puts this concept at the bottom of the pile and opts for conforming to the outer world instead. Religious rules cannot solve our inner being's struggle to find ways of being our true, authentic self. In fact, they can contradict them.

 

Matthew's gospel says "let your yes be yes, and your no be no, anything more is from the evil one". I take it as the writer understanding that in us all is a certainty, deep down, of who we are and what we know. Our God is not a God of confusion. I think religion has added to many peoples confusion because it seldom supports the inner "knowing" or the inner "yes" and "no". Instead it maps out a list of yes and no for us. Even many heterosexual couples say yes to each other when really it's a "no" deep down. We conform to rules, standards, insecurities, etc. I take the "evil one" as not necessarily a being (who knows) but the opposite of truth. It's prevalent in us all, in the whole world, and we can sense when things are out of line with Spirit and Truth (different from religious doctrines might I add).

 

If you know, in your true self, who you are, then say yes to it. Don't let religion confuse you on it or make you feel like you need to say "no" to your true self. God isn't interested in relating to a mask. That hymn comes to mind "come as you are, that's how I want you; come as you are, feel right at home."

 

Religion is limited in its ability to understand and help in all spiritual realities. It is like trying to write a novel with only a handful of letters from the alphabet. Jesus' words (and the entire collection of writings), shouldn't contract our beliefs or understandings. I believe they are an attempt (albeit the best one out there!) to point outwards to something greater. Something that rules and regulations and doctrines can't always capture.

 

Be you. Don't fear the truth and reality. You may be in a struggle and there is hardship and pain, but God will be where you are; with the real inner person. I don't ever think he would ask you to even attempt to construct a false version of yourself, psychologically and spiritually. It would be frustrating that you feel your body doesn't conform to the real you. And if surgery feels right, then you will have support from many along your journey :) either way, don't try forge a false inner person to suit the body. The body is flesh, but the inner is spirit. The inner is more true than the outer. If surgery could help you reconcile the two, then great. If it isn't an option, then life will still be joyful and wondrous. No one is robbed of that experience. at the end of the day, I think we will understand our journeys a little better in hindsight. In the meantime , your heart/gut/spirit knows where to go. It will lead you through pain... But at least it will be in truth.

Edited by Anna_mbd
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