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ParSal190
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Hi everybody. Hope everybody is well.

 

:Sigh: This is actually at least the third different time I've tried to start this.

 

Actually, to be honest I'm not certain that I'm a Christian by any definition. It does still resonate more strongly with me than any other spiritual path though, and I found this board because if I can reconnect, I want to, I feel a strong interior calling, as it were, to at least try, and I need help.

 

I'm not really much of a churchgoer at present. I once was, and even went to seminary. But for a number of reasons, on which I don't want to elaborate right now, my seminary journey presented me with a number of personally devastating challenges. They impacted not just my faith but my emotional stability, the latter in retrospect having been tenuous at best as it was. Despite trying my best I failed in meeting many of the challenges successfully. These failures culminated in severe chronic mental health issues that would have gotten in the way of my pursuing any sort of professional ministry, even if I hadn't largely lost my faith.

 

I did hang on and at least completed my M.Div., but it was almost literally plucking Wesley's proverbial brand out of the fire, especially the last year. My wife, whom I dated while at seminary, had her own problems and combined with seeing me go through what I did, totally lost her own faith and eventually converted to Wicca. Most of the time I have no personal problem with her conversion, but sometimes it saddens me, and I wonder if it wasn't at least partially my fault. I also feel ashamed for letting so many of my seminary friends down (perhaps I shouldn't, my wife keeps telling me I shouldn't, but it's hard for me not to).

 

I was lucky to find a liberal Christian church near the town I live in now, but I just couldn't bring myself to trust it, no matter how I tried. The pastor himself was quite liberal, and a very good caregiver and preacher. He tried the best he could. It just wasn't enough to keep me from feeling like a third wheel with the rest of the congregation. My wife and I do now occasionally attend a Unitarian-Universalist church in our area, but my wife's involvement is more consistent because she has the women's group there. I have similar trust issues at this church, though not as bad at the other church, or perhaps as bad but of a different nature. I don't know.

 

On the bright side I am as I say married, got married before my last year in seminary, and we're coming up on our 11th anniversary next week. I have an adult stepdaughter, herself married for about 8 years and with a 1-year old.

 

I guess I should stop. Peace, all, and good to meet you all.

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Parsal, Welcome and I am glad you indulge in the interior life. I enjoy diving into it regularly. I see God is guiding you from within and you are a very strong follower. The evidence for me is your unconditional acceptance and love of your wife. The path you have followed takes a strong spirit so let it shine here. Look forward to your post. Soma

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Parsal, Welcome and I am glad you indulge in the interior life. I enjoy diving into it regularly. I see God is guiding you from within and you are a very strong follower. The evidence for me is your unconditional acceptance and love of your wife. The path you have followed takes a strong spirit so let it shine here. Look forward to your post. Soma

 

Hi Soma, and thanks for your kind response.

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