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A Long Journey Home


Guest billmc

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Bill,

 

Maybe accepting the fact that peace of mind or feeling spiritually at home is not a constant state of mind but fluctuating, would make it less of a struggle.

 

As someone I cant recall wrote, there is nothing the kingdom has to offer that isnt already within you.

 

One simple thing you could do that might be helpful, and supportive of this group, is not use the phrase leaving Christianity to mean leaving fundamentalism--or saying (on another thread) that not going to church makes you not Christian. Your values, however you define them seem solidly Christian to me and I imagine to everyone here. Cant we identify Christianity with progressive Christianity (open, liberal, emerging)?

 

For me, the substitute for church is partly just feeling the love, blessings, grace I receive from my husband and friends; and partly this forum.

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Guest billmc

Maybe accepting the fact that peace of mind or feeling spiritually at home is not a constant state of mind but fluctuating, would make it less of a struggle.

 

Thanks, Rivanna. Your entire post has given me much to think about.

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Guest billmc

One simple thing you could do that might be helpful, and supportive of this group, is not use the phrase leaving Christianity to mean leaving fundamentalism--or saying (on another thread) that not going to church makes you not Christian. Your values, however you define them seem solidly Christian to me and I imagine to everyone here. Cant we identify Christianity with progressive Christianity (open, liberal, emerging)?

 

To Rivanna and the rest of the forum:

 

When the events of 9/11 happened and the Twin Towers came crumbling to the ground, rescue workers searched the ruins of the towers for survivors. Unfortunately, they only found four people still alive. As we all know, thousands died that day, many of them rescue workers themselves.

 

Although certainly not on the same scale as that horrible tragedy, my faith came tumbling down and I am trying to search through the rubble for "survivors," things left over from Christianity that would be substantive enough to still allow me to say that I am a Christian (albeit of a different kind than before). I don't do this in order to try to reclaim some guaranteed reward of an afterlife that Christianity often offers. And I don't do it because there are no other paths open to me, for indeed there are many. I do it because, as I have said in another thread, I believe there are "survivors" in the ruins that are still meaningful, still valuable to me, still alive in me in some spiritual sense. These things are still worth consideration and practice to me, especially when I have the freedom to reinterpret them or understand them from another point-of-view. Will these things be enough to allow me to still say that I am a Christian or that I am part of Christianity? I honestly don't know. It's not easy separating the chaff from the wheat. As I do that, I ask two things:

 

1. Please forgive me if I have offended anyone by speaking negatively of Christianity. I could make excuses for my tendency to do so, but that would not be, as you have said, helpful or supportive of this group.

 

2. Please be patient with me as I continue to try to separate the wheat from the chaff. Both my head and my heart are involved in this sifting, so it is not an easy undertaking and it takes time. There are things that, I suppose, I should just bury as the dead. For some of these, I am grateful. For others, I am still in mourning. And there are other things that have indeed survived and that is where I want to focus. So I will endeavor to try to focus on the wheat. But I ask your patience with me as this isn't just about my beliefs, but about pragmatic changes in my life, hopefully for the better.

 

Thank you.

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Bill, I think your criticisms of Christianity come from deep in your heart and that you present them is a way that is needed to be heard. Christianity is losing people because of its rigidity, fossilization and institutionalization. We need more Christians with your mind set. I feel your desire for spiritual progress and social change is the message Jesus wanted us to practice. I feel you follow that motto and are a great role model for those who are afraid to take the first step into the unknown. Your brother in Christ Soma

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Bill, I read your spiritual journey a couple of nights ago, but didn't comment (it was late and I was on my way to bed). But, I just wanted to let you know how very touched I was by your story. So many of the things in your story are similar to mine.

 

I, especially, loved your last words here:

 

Although certainly not on the same scale as that horrible tragedy, my faith came tumbling down and I am trying to search through the rubble for "survivors," things left over from Christianity that would be substantive enough to still allow me to say that I am a Christian (albeit of a different kind than before). I don't do this in order to try to reclaim some guaranteed reward of an afterlife that Christianity often offers. And I don't do it because there are no other paths open to me, for indeed there are many. I do it because, as I have said in another thread, I believe there are "survivors" in the ruins that are still meaningful, still valuable to me, still alive in me in some spiritual sense.

 

That is how I am feeling, right now. I so wanted to return to my Christian roots...go back home, so to speak, after journeying here and there spiritually, and never feeling quite "at home" with my wanderings. But, returning to Christianity didn't give me the spiritual satisfaction that I had longed for...it has been fairly disappointing, in many ways. But, I have still felt there was something there worth saving...or building on...just not in the way I had previously been taught.

 

Anyway, loved reading your story. Thank you so much for sharing that! It was very poignant and well expressed...inspired, even, I believe.

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Anyway, loved reading your story. Thank you so much for sharing that!

 

Thanks for reading and commenting, Martha. I can sure relate to some of your experiences also.

 

When I was in my mid twenties, I developed a close friendship with a man named Jeff. Jeff was finishing up his degree in architecture and had been married for only a year. We both enjoyed Contemporary Christian Music and having talks about God, Jesus, theology, etc. I was single then and Jeff often invited me over to his house after church for lunch and an afternoon of listening to music and chatting about theology and whatever else popped into our heads. Jeffs wife, on the other hand, was rather cold towards me, outwardly polite, giving me that half-smile that people often do out of courtesy, but never really what I would call friendly. As Jeff and I grew closer, he revealed to me that he felt that maybe God was calling him to the mission field to work with handicapped kids in third world countries. I listened to him, neither discouraging him nor encouraging him to follow that path, but just suggesting that he needed to follow his heart and what he felt might be Gods leading in his life.

 

As we were leaving church one day, Jeff said he needed to talk to me. I followed him and his wife to a small room, where upon his wife let me have it with both barrels. She accused me of putting these crazy ideas of going to the mission field in his head. She said Jeff and I spent too much time together and that he, as a man of God, was supposed to be committed to his family. And she said that I was a bad influence on her husband, though she couldnt really define how I was a bad influence. Jeff just stood there, looking at the floor, not saying a word. He had, obviously, already heard the speech and been told what part in this conversation he was to have. Thus ended my friendship with Jeff. I dont know what happened to him or his family or his dream of helping children in third world countries.

 

Looking back, yes, perhaps I did spend a bit too much time with Jeff. After all, he and his wife had only been married a year. But I also cant help but think that his wife was simply jealous of our friendship and wanted to control it. Jeff was hers and she wanted to control who his friends were, how much access they had to him, and what the relationships should be like. Im not so sure that the problem was me as much as it was that she wanted ownership and control of Jeff.

 

I feel much the same way about Christianity and Jesus.

 

Christianity and Jesus seem to be married. Like it or not, in our culture they are inextricably linked together. It is hard to get one without the other. But Christianity, at least the most popular and vocal kind, wants to control who Jesus friends are, how much access they have to him, and what the relationships should be like. Christianity, IMO, wants ownership and control of Jesus. Of course, Christianity cannot really accomplish this from Jesus side. :) Unlike my friend, Jesus wont stand there silently. But because Jesus bride seems to be able to shout much louder than the still, small voice, the world thinks that Christianity speaks for Jesus. Personally, I think she would do well to stop speaking for Jesus and to just listen to him for a while. ;)

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Oh boy, I definitely agree with you about just standing silent and listening to Jesus for a change, instead of constantly trying to determine who is his friend and who is not. I have even been guilty of a bit of that, in the past. I was very judgmental of Mormonism for awhile, deciding that it wasn't really "Christian", because of some of their beliefs. I was wrong about that...very wrong.

 

I liked your analogy about your friendship with Jeff and how his wife perceived it. Perfect.

 

Jesus will decide who his "friends" are...not any of us. It's not for us to decide.

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