Build Your Own Religion Intake Check List

[glintofpewter]

Neil Gaiman, author of "Caroline", in the New Yorker.

 

If I had not been a writer I'd have a little shop, and people would phone up or come into the shop and they'd say, 'I'd like a religion. And I would say, 'Cool. O.K. Where do you stand on guilt and how do you want to fund it? And would you like sort of a belief in the universe as a huge beneficent organ?

 

Or would you like something more complex?' And they'd say. 'Oh, we'd like God to be big on guilt.' And I'd say, 'O.K., how does Wednesday sound to you as a sacred day?'

 

I'd add

 

Paraments? Yes/No

 

Style - choose one

Macrame woven by those who have been members since they were flower children?

Hand-me downs from the neo-classical mega church?

Hand prints by the Sunday School children?

Designed by artist Jose Parla?

 

Color theme - choose one

Bright Hues? Muted Hues? Pastel? All black?

Color of the Month Club?

 

Color changes according to (choose one)

church year?

commercially promoted holidays?

solstices and equinoxes?

 

Vestments

One size fits all?

One size fits no one?

 

Style of vestments

Kiss

Bajor priests of Deep Space 9

Big Bang Theory

Jeans and identity politics t-shirt

Other

 

Mitre

None?

Size? Normal? Big? SNL Pointy? Extraterrestrial?

 

Any other questions for the build your religion Shop?

 

Dutch

[AllInTheNameOfProgress]

Funny, Dutch!

 

Here's mine:

 

Do you think there is more than one way to know God?

Do you believe God can't be contained in a book written centuries and centuries ago?

Are you open to doubt and dialogue?

Do you want to make the world a better place by actively loving others not like you?

 

I'll think more and add when I have time... Not as funny as yours!!

 

Janet

[minsocal]

I think I might try an assemblage taken from this:

 

Old Time Religion, lyrics by Pete Seeger:

 

CHORUS:

Give me that old time religion

Give me that old time religion

Give me that old time religion

And that’s good enough for me

 

Let us pray with Aphrodite

Let us pray with Aphrodite

She wears that see-through nightie

And that’s good enough for me

 

CHORUS

 

We will pray with Zarathustra

We will Pray just like we use ta

I’m a Zarathustra booster

And that’s good enough for me

 

CHORUS

 

We will pray with those Egyptians

Build pyramids to put our crypts in

Cover subways with inscriptions

And that’s good enough for me

 

CHORUS

 

O-old Odin we will follow

And in fighting we will wallow

’Til we wind up in Valhalla

And that’s good enough for me

 

CHORUS

 

Let me follow dear old Buddha

For there is nobody cuter

He comes in plaster, wood, or pewter

And that’s good enough for me

 

CHORUS

 

We will pray with those old Druids

They drink fermented fluids

Waltzing naked thru the woo-ids

And that’s good enough for me

 

CHORUS

 

Hare Krishna gets a laugh on

When he sees me dressed in saffron

With my hair that’s only half on

And that’s good enough for me

 

CHORUS

 

I will rise at early morning

When my Lord gives me the warning

That the solar age is dawning

And that’s good enough for me

 

CHORUS

 

Myron

[glintofpewter]

Sounds like a possible Confession of Faith

Great fun

[AllInTheNameOfProgress]

I think I might try an assemblage taken from this:

 

Old Time Religion, lyrics by Pete Seeger:

 

Myron - THAT's HILARIOUS!! I'll be singing that all night!

 

Janet

[Mike]

Any other questions for the build your religion Shop?

 

If I'm making my own religion, I'll definitely need to import some of those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz.

[tariki]

Just love that Old Time Religion!

 

A prerequisite for me would be a God with a great big rubber stamp with "YES" emblazoned on it, ready to rubber stamp all my beliefs, atttiudes, state of mind etc etc. A secondary requirement would be a great big rubber stamp with "NO" on it, and guess who that would be for?