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Life's Big Decisions


October's Autumn
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I went to see my OB-GYN today for a follow up. I see her about every 3-6 months as she is treating my endometriosis. Out of the blue she told me that if we want to have a baby we should decide before I'm 40! (I'll be 39 in December). I reminded her that my fallopian tube (I only have one) is blocked and can't have children. She said she could refer me to a specialist who treats women with endometriosis. :blink:

 

The discussion has never come up because we found out about 3 months before we got married that I had the endo and that my tube was blocked. So I figured the first thing I should do is let my husband know as this is a decision we would make together.

 

When I told him he shocked me. Not only would he like to have a baby but he'd like to be a stay at home dad. I do know (or at least think I know) that we'd have to do IVF. We talked about the possibiity of donor embryos. There is a lesbian couple at our church who are having twins (due in Oct, probably delivering in Sept and we are wondering if they have any embryos leftover!) We also talked about adoption as a possibililty. When we look at the possibilities it can be intimidating. My husband is on disability due to bipolar disorder and social anxiety. So we are concerned about home studies etc. they want to do. I also have a history of depression. Those are both reasons though that I like the idea of doing a donor embryo.

 

anyhow...

 

For right now we are planning on seeing the specialist and see what they say our options are and their recommendations.

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  • 2 months later...

Just to update. We are moving in the direction now of adoption. Having had time to process the possibilities of IVF (I see my ob/gyn on Tuesday) we are feeling more and more that adoption is a more reasonable decision. It looks like this: IVF less than 50% success rate. Adoption 100% success rate. We are going to go to a meeting with CPS (We'd be adopting out of the foster care system) in early November. We will find out more than. I very excited. This too, will be a long process. Once we find out that our biggest barrier to adoption is not a barrier we will be looking at finishing paying off our debt and finding a bigger place (3 bedrooms). Our hope is that we can buy as housing market bubble bursts and homes become affordable again. If not we can afford a slightly higher rent (rental prices are falling, too) on a 3-bedroom which would be in the same apartment.

 

This change all came about when the associate pastor at our church and I were talking about what we were doing and I found out that we can adopt out of the foster care system for very little money or free. We want a healthy infant of any race or ethnicity or combination of races and ethnicities.

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Guest wayfarer2k
Thanks! We have a meeting on November 12th. Hopefully we'll have an idea then of what is going to happen.

 

I'm glad you are pursuing this option, Autumn. Sounds like a blessing for you AND for the little one. Best wishes in this "life change", my friend!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Good luck, OA! I'm so happy for you :)

 

We want a healthy infant of any race or ethnicity or combination of races and ethnicities.

 

I'm glad to hear you'd consider an infant of any race/ethnicity. My younger sister is adopted - my parents adopted her from China when she was an infant (the rest of us are white). I know it can be hard for her to not look like the rest of us, but at the same time I think my parents' approach was good - they made sure to foster a sense of pride in her for her homeland (e.g. she took a class in Chinese a few years ago), but at the same time also made sure to make her feel like part of the family. (And I certainly think of her as my little sister, even if we're not related by blood - that's completely irrelevant to me.) I think their open, honest, and supportive attitude has really helped her to feel like she belongs, as she should.

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  • 7 months later...

Just to update: After attending the meeting in November we decided we needed to wait until summer. There is a time limit on how long you have to complete licensing. We need to move into a 3 bedroom home. We wanted to be 100% clear financially. We won't quite meet that goal but will be very close.

 

We also wanted to give my step-son a little more time to establish himself in the family before adding to it.

 

So now it is the end of May. We have both had TB tests, livescans (fingerprinting for background checks), and have completed our application. We went to a licensing meeting this past Wednesday to find out what we'll need to do to our home to ready it. Thursday we have a meeting with our licensing clerk. We start taking our parenting classes on June 2nd and will take them over the course of the summer. By the end of summer we will move into a 3 bedrom apartment or town house, depending on what is availiable. After that we'll be assigned a home study worker.

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Just to update: After attending the meeting in November we decided we needed to wait until summer. There is a time limit on how long you have to complete licensing. We need to move into a 3 bedroom home. We wanted to be 100% clear financially. We won't quite meet that goal but will be very close.

 

We also wanted to give my step-son a little more time to establish himself in the family before adding to it.

 

So now it is the end of May. We have both had TB tests, livescans (fingerprinting for background checks), and have completed our application. We went to a licensing meeting this past Wednesday to find out what we'll need to do to our home to ready it. Thursday we have a meeting with our licensing clerk. We start taking our parenting classes on June 2nd and will take them over the course of the summer. By the end of summer we will move into a 3 bedrom apartment or town house, depending on what is availiable. After that we'll be assigned a home study worker.

 

That's great, OA! Keep us updated! :)

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Just to update: After attending the meeting in November we decided we needed to wait until summer. There is a time limit on how long you have to complete licensing. We need to move into a 3 bedroom home. We wanted to be 100% clear financially. We won't quite meet that goal but will be very close.

 

We also wanted to give my step-son a little more time to establish himself in the family before adding to it.

 

So now it is the end of May. We have both had TB tests, livescans (fingerprinting for background checks), and have completed our application. We went to a licensing meeting this past Wednesday to find out what we'll need to do to our home to ready it. Thursday we have a meeting with our licensing clerk. We start taking our parenting classes on June 2nd and will take them over the course of the summer. By the end of summer we will move into a 3 bedrom apartment or town house, depending on what is availiable. After that we'll be assigned a home study worker.

 

Woo Hoo! I'm glad you're moving along! It has been carefully thought out and planned.

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