Paul,
I personally can relate to what you have expressed so clearly. It seems to me that being programmed by our parents, church, peers and society in general for so long, it is difficult to get away from judgementalistic attitudes and concepts of black and white such as good and bad, right and wrong, fair and unfair, etc. In my view, it is however freeing to rid oneself of such tendencies and be open to alternate ways of thinking or considerations which is a difficult journey at times...
Joseph