Gerard,
..."what the mind cannot believe, the heart can finally never adore". B Spong
try replacing finally with "in the end".... "what the mind cannot believe, the heart can in the end never adore" i.e. we can go on and on listening to certain perspectives and say yes yes I worship God but when we really look at it in the end I realize that I cannot adore this representation of God....I guess where this fits my outlook is when I think of the church representing God as a condemning God....I remember when I was teaching CCD to 4th graders and the lesson was that I had to teach that God sent the locusts and the plagues, etc...I asked my husband how in the world can I teach this when there is no way I see God in this way. I don't even remember what I taught that Sunday but certainly never voiced my opinions "does anyone else thing this is absurb and eh-eh ... why are we worshiping a mean God?" . The old days before I spoke my mind it felt like the story of the emperor's clothes...."hello....doesn't anyone else see what I see?"
To me, the church (which to me is synonymous with the doctrines and practices that it employs) that we attend is giving the congregation an interpretation of the way they see God and is manifested in their practices, ie elders being all male, etc.....so to attend that church is saying that I am worshiping their interpretation....if I can't agree with their representation of God it is very hard to be filled with inspiration and fully embrace this representation. There are many things I don't understand like the ins and outs of evolution and how God created this amazing world through this process but I can accept it (and my limitations of understanding) and admire and respect and be in awe of it.
Oh I hope that I am making this less murky and not more so..I think I have for myself. I think many times because we are questing for the truth it is important to have this forum in which to fine tune our beliefs and practice communicating them as explicity as we can...it seems the fundamentalists have such quick and pat answers and I am thankful that I have this forum in which we can mull over these things without stock answers and the attitude that we "know it all". I just know that I am trying to get closer to God