Elizabeth

Thank you for responding PinkAzalea. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Things have lifted a bit for me. I've decided to do the things that feel right, and for me, that is prayer. I don't know who this God is that I'm praying to, but I'm comforted by the idea of it being tied to Jesus' mercy or a universal energy. We quit our church, too. It's sad, but we weren't finding community there and I think my spiritual life is mostly my interest not my husband's or daughter's. I'm still struggling with the Bible, though knowing it was written so long ago by people with their own agendas makes it easier for me to not hold it as the source of truth. For me, I could never read the Bible without the help of a Biblical scholar like the professors I had in school. It took me years to understand what a hermeneutical lens is much less for me to find my own. I'm grateful to you for writing.

Thank you so very much, Paul S. It is amazing to know that someone all the way in Australia is cheering me on. I so appreciate your reply!

Thanks for writing. I'm so sorry about your son. That level of loss is unimaginable. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me.

I like to joke that I went to theology graduate school and lost God. I didn't grow up in a church, but I had a hard childhood and looked to God for rescue. God never came in my despair, but I have kept on searching and praying and sorta/kinda believing. But theology school changed all that. I know it's normal for it to totally upend everything you think you knew, but most people then rebuild their faith anew. I, instead, am sitting here unraveled and deeply devastated. I have read a lot of the Bible and am horrified and disgusted by most of it. I also am not sure I feel close to the Jesus I read about. I find him to be elusive and detached, sad and angry. I don't know where to go with this. I've tried to read Borg and tried to detach from a traditional idea of God, but I am so empty inside. I don't know what to believe anymore. I burst into tears when I think about it. I feel so stupid for believing in a God of rescue and even more devastated in no longer being able to believe in it.