AnneInTX

I'm in my 70's and realize my life won't last too much longer. Ever since high school I've questioned what I was taught in my small-town Southern Methodist church and would describe myself, intellectually, as an agnostic of Christian background. I infrequently attend a fairly liberal Protestant denomination in the South but am not wholly pleased with it. But I have always had this nagging fear that perhaps "they" (the fundamentalists) are right, and chances are I won't make it into eternal life because of my lack of belief. I'm not a bad person (no murders, no petty theft since grade-school days, totally faithful to my spouse, etc.), but I do have a few areas of less-than-perfect behavior, although nothing that I don't see in hundreds of my friends and acquaintances. But my greatest sin, as I understand fundamentalist theology, is my lack of faith. How can a person who sees the Bible as man's fairly inadequate attempt to discover God, a person who is not at all sure that there was a divine creative force, a person who regards Jesus as one who was probably trying to find a way to deal with the Roman rule rather than establishing a new religion (and here I'd add that what little we know about Jesus is really not enough for me to be at all certain of what his purpose was...seems to me Christianity is more about Paul's beliefs than those of Jesus)... ...how can such a person rid herself of the fear of hell and face the end of her life with calm acceptance? My Catholic friends say to confess my sins, my lack of belief, and if it is an honest confession, I'll be forgiven. But how can I make an honest confession to something I do not believe exists? How can one believe what one simply does not believe? This may seem unimportant to you readers, but it has always been a major problem in my life. Any response would be welcome.