From Horse And Buggy To High-tech

[RubySera Martin]

Hi everybody!

 

First of all let me thank AltheiaRivers for telling me about this place and for giving me the address. I also want to thank flowperson for encouraging me to actually post here. I'm finding myself in a difficult position regarding forums. I was on one for a year, then got kicked out without explanation or warning. It wasn't the best place for me because of the fundamentalists--both Christian and atheist fundies. After a long search I found Comparative Religions, where I met Alethia and flowperson. But I felt a need for more variety. This morning it occurred to me to follow up on flow's suggestion to post on this forum so here I am.

 

I've read a few threads to get a bit of a feel for this place. It feels like home, a place where I might actually fit in without having to slice off this and that part of who I am. Rebels, heretics. Those are some of the sweet words I read on one of the threads. I don't have to check my beliefs at the door. Isn't that great!

 

I was going to tell a bit about my life story and I probably should but, the way it looks, I won't have to justify my beliefs and life decisions.

 

I was born into and lived the first forty-odd years of my life in an Old Order Mennonite community in Ontario. This is the kind of Mennonites who use horse-and-buggies for transportation, and speak Pennsylvania German. The culture, dress, and way of life is similar to that of the Amish, in case you know about them. In the thead on Spiritual Abuse (Progressive Christian room) I tell about my relationship with my family and the larger community. I have removed myself from the situation, but when compared with the way I get treated by the people around me these days, my family and former community did not treat me as a human.

 

As is normal for abuse victims, I did not know I was experiencing abuse. All I knew was that I was desperately unhappy. Sometime after my fortieth birthday it hit me that I would never gain their approval; I'd tried long enough. I also realized around the same time that I would never get from their God what I needed. I mean, if you try something for two or three decades, surely you've given it an honest try? That is how I felt. I had exhausted the community's idea on how to find happiness. Nothing worked.

 

Finally, I threw caution to the wind and committed myself to finding happiness at all costs. I knew it could cost me my membership in the community and that it would drastically change the already dysfunctional relationships with my family (parents and siblings; I've never been married and have no kids). I don't know if, from a sociological perspective, the community can be called a cult. But the difficulty I experienced in getting out is very similar if not identical to that of getting out of what is normally called a cult. It was like jumping off the planet, not knowing if there was a place to land.

 

In other words, it was extremely difficult and traumatic. I barely escaped with my life. I went through two suicidal episodes where all my energy was required simply to keep on breathing from minute to minute. Each episode of this intensity lasted on a day. And I survived. I just tell this to give some idea of how difficult it was. So many people think one can always change their beliefs and that moving to another church isn't the end of the world. However, the outsiders who know the culture and religion from which I come marvel at the strength it must have taken. Those who walked with me through those first horrible months know it was extremely difficult.

 

For those people who don't know the first thing about Mennonites, here is a really good website.

 

As you will see, there are many different branches of the Mennonite Church. In this immediate geographical area they can perhaps be divided into three main groups: the horse and buggy groups (there are two or three), the conservative car groups (quite a few; they drive cars but retain varying degrees of the distinctive Mennonite dress), and what I call the modern Mennonites because they have no dress code; they live and dress like the rest of society and the conservative groups tend to think of them as "not of us."

 

The horse and buggy groups forbid education beyond Grade eight. The other conservative groups vary in levels of education permissible. The modern Mennonites put no limits on level of education; some of them are university professors. I believed that in order for me to be happy I needed training for a professional career. This meant university education. If I went for university education, I would probably have to leave the church (lose membership in the Old Order Mennonite [OOM] church). The thought of that turned my blood cold, but I had to go through with it as described. Eventually I moved from the farm to the city.

 

I spread the transition over a number of years. I kept my education a secret for well over a year. When I "came out of the closet" I had to leave the church or live with extreme disapproval. I could not do that so I left. A few years later I was offered the opportunity to house-sit for several months in the city, within walking distance of the university. That allowed me to try city life without giving up my farm home. It was so much better for me to live in the city (away from all those critical, judgmental eyes), that I found myself a place to rent in the city. I have been here in the city for almost four years and just going back into the geographical area of the OOM brings cold black clouds of depression. Sometimes, it seems to me like darkness covers their land.

 

Perhaps I should explain that leaving the community did not mean a physical or geographical move. It just meant that I officially went to another church. I chose a modern Mennonite church in the area because I wanted a church that did not have a dress code (I didn't want to change my dress in any way) and that supported higher education. When people go to another church, it is understood by the community that they have officially left the OOM church. Technically and theoretically it is possible to return. Emotionally, it is not. No one ever returns when they have officially left.

 

My sister with whom I was sharing a home at the time saw that school made me much happier, so she supported me every step of the way. When it came to choosing between me and the rest of the family, she chose me. She remains an OOM in good standing but she understands and supports me.

 

Today I am studying theology on the Masters level. I expect to have my degree in a year from now and I hope to be accepted for further studies by Sept. 2007. I aim for an academic career in systematic theology, and I will probably specialize in fundamentalism. On the religious level, I have not been to church in a long time. You can get some idea of my leanings here.

 

As I said, I did not want to change my dress. I have made one major change; I stopped wearing the cap or head covering (prayer veil) about two years ago, and now wear my hair down. I did this because when I spoke at conferences and in other situations, people would not believe that I had really left the OOM community. I felt I was misrepresenting the community by appearing as an OOM person in academic circles (places the OOM would consider inappropriate to appear in). It is such a tiny thing but it does the trick.

 

I don't drive automobiles because of my low vision. I travel by city bus. I sold the horse and buggy when I moved to the city. I could drive a horse and buggy because it's speed is much slower and because a horse has eyes and ears and a brain whereas a car does not. That extra set of eyes, ears, and the brain helped keep me safe. As is obvious, I make free use of high tech equipment today. So that is an overview of my journey from horse-and-buggy culture to a high-tech urban center, from raising farm produce and scrubbing floors to academia. Getting from where I was to where I am today seems impossible, yet I was able to make it happen one little step at a time. That is what I mean by my little line at the bottom of my posts. Don't give up just because the situation appears impossible.

[Ted Michael Morgan]

Hi everybody!

 

First of all let me thank AltheiaRivers for telling me about this place and for giving me the address. I also want to thank flowperson for encouraging me to actually post here. I'm finding myself in a difficult position regarding forums. I was on one for a year, then got kicked out without explanation or warning. It wasn't the best place for me because of the fundamentalists--both Christian and atheist fundies. After a long search I found Comparative Religions, where I met Alethia and flowperson. But I felt a need for more variety. This morning it occurred to me to follow up on flow's suggestion to post on this forum so here I am.

 

I've read a few threads to get a bit of a feel for this place. It feels like home, a place where I might actually fit in without having to slice off this and that part of who I am. Rebels, heretics. Those are some of the sweet words I read on one of the threads. I don't have to check my beliefs at the door. Isn't that great!

 

I was going to tell a bit about my life story and I probably should but, the way it looks, I won't have to justify my beliefs and life decisions.

 

I was born into and lived the first forty-odd years of my life in an Old Order Mennonite community in Ontario. This is the kind of Mennonites who use horse-and-buggies for transportation, and speak Pennsylvania German. The culture, dress, and way of life is similar to that of the Amish, in case you know about them. In the thead on Spiritual Abuse (Progressive Christian room) I tell about my relationship with my family and the larger community. I have removed myself from the situation, but when compared with the way I get treated by the people around me these days, my family and former community did not treat me as a human.

 

As is normal for abuse victims, I did not know I was experiencing abuse. All I knew was that I was desperately unhappy. Sometime after my fortieth birthday it hit me that I would never gain their approval; I'd tried long enough. I also realized around the same time that I would never get from their God what I needed. I mean, if you try something for two or three decades, surely you've given it an honest try? That is how I felt. I had exhausted the community's idea on how to find happiness. Nothing worked.

 

Finally, I threw caution to the wind and committed myself to finding happiness at all costs. I knew it could cost me my membership in the community and that it would drastically change the already dysfunctional relationships with my family (parents and siblings; I've never been married and have no kids). I don't know if, from a sociological perspective, the community can be called a cult. But the difficulty I experienced in getting out is very similar if not identical to that of getting out of what is normally called a cult. It was like jumping off the planet, not knowing if there was a place to land.

 

In other words, it was extremely difficult and traumatic. I barely escaped with my life. I went through two suicidal episodes where all my energy was required simply to keep on breathing from minute to minute. Each episode of this intensity lasted on a day. And I survived. I just tell this to give some idea of how difficult it was. So many people think one can always change their beliefs and that moving to another church isn't the end of the world. However, the outsiders who know the culture and religion from which I come marvel at the strength it must have taken. Those who walked with me through those first horrible months know it was extremely difficult.

 

For those people who don't know the first thing about Mennonites, here is a really good website.

 

As you will see, there are many different branches of the Mennonite Church. In this immediate geographical area they can perhaps be divided into three main groups: the horse and buggy groups (there are two or three), the conservative car groups (quite a few; they drive cars but retain varying degrees of the distinctive Mennonite dress), and what I call the modern Mennonites because they have no dress code; they live and dress like the rest of society and the conservative groups tend to think of them as "not of us."

 

The horse and buggy groups forbid education beyond Grade eight. The other conservative groups vary in levels of education permissible. The modern Mennonites put no limits on level of education; some of them are university professors. I believed that in order for me to be happy I needed training for a professional career. This meant university education. If I went for university education, I would probably have to leave the church (lose membership in the Old Order Mennonite [OOM] church). The thought of that turned my blood cold, but I had to go through with it as described. Eventually I moved from the farm to the city.

 

I spread the transition over a number of years. I kept my education a secret for well over a year. When I "came out of the closet" I had to leave the church or live with extreme disapproval. I could not do that so I left. A few years later I was offered the opportunity to house-sit for several months in the city, within walking distance of the university. That allowed me to try city life without giving up my farm home. It was so much better for me to live in the city (away from all those critical, judgmental eyes), that I found myself a place to rent in the city. I have been here in the city for almost four years and just going back into the geographical area of the OOM brings cold black clouds of depression. Sometimes, it seems to me like darkness covers their land.

 

Perhaps I should explain that leaving the community did not mean a physical or geographical move. It just meant that I officially went to another church. I chose a modern Mennonite church in the area because I wanted a church that did not have a dress code (I didn't want to change my dress in any way) and that supported higher education. When people go to another church, it is understood by the community that they have officially left the OOM church. Technically and theoretically it is possible to return. Emotionally, it is not. No one ever returns when they have officially left.

 

My sister with whom I was sharing a home at the time saw that school made me much happier, so she supported me every step of the way. When it came to choosing between me and the rest of the family, she chose me. She remains an OOM in good standing but she understands and supports me.

 

Today I am studying theology on the Masters level. I expect to have my degree in a year from now and I hope to be accepted for further studies by Sept. 2007. I aim for an academic career in systematic theology, and I will probably specialize in fundamentalism. On the religious level, I have not been to church in a long time. You can get some idea of my leanings here.

 

As I said, I did not want to change my dress. I have made one major change; I stopped wearing the cap or head covering (prayer veil) about two years ago, and now wear my hair down. I did this because when I spoke at conferences and in other situations, people would not believe that I had really left the OOM community. I felt I was misrepresenting the community by appearing as an OOM person in academic circles (places the OOM would consider inappropriate to appear in). It is such a tiny thing but it does the trick.

 

I don't drive automobiles because of my low vision. I travel by city bus. I sold the horse and buggy when I moved to the city. I could drive a horse and buggy because it's speed is much slower and because a horse has eyes and ears and a brain whereas a car does not. That extra set of eyes, ears, and the brain helped keep me safe. As is obvious, I make free use of high tech equipment today. So that is an overview of my journey from horse-and-buggy culture to a high-tech urban center, from raising farm produce and scrubbing floors to academia. Getting from where I was to where I am today seems impossible, yet I was able to make it happen one little step at a time. That is what I mean by my little line at the bottom of my posts. Don't give up just because the situation appears impossible.

 

Your story moves me deeply. Thank you for posting it here. One of the most important modern theologians is Gordon Kaufman, who taught at Harvard University. He is still writing and still thinking. I pray for your growth. I pray for you.

[AletheiaRivers]

Hi Ruby. Welcome to the board. I'm so happy to have you here.

[Ted Michael Morgan]

Your story moves me deeply. Thank you for posting it here. One of the most important modern theologians is Gordon Kaufman, who taught at Harvard University. He is still writing and still thinking. I pray for your growth. I pray for you.

 

 

 

I forgot to mention that Professor Kaufman is a Mennonite. That was the purpose of my post.

[RubySera Martin]

I forgot to mention that Professor Kaufman is a Mennonite. That was the purpose of my post.

 

Thanks everyone for the welcome. Ted, I immediately recognized Kaufman as an Amish/Mennonite name. There are many spellings of the name. But I don't know Gordon Kaufman. He probably belongs to what I call the modern Mennonites if he is a professor.

 

 

“When questioning is banned, we are in the presence of idolatry.”

 

Ted, how I love that line in your signature! My question would be idolotry of what? Church dogma? Maybe this belongs in another thread.

 

I keep meaning to mention that dogs are my favourite animal. That's why I chose this avatar. I like larger dogs and this one looks like one of the best. I used to have a beagle. Didn't have too much room and beagles are smaller; take up less room in the house. Sparkie, my dog, was very special and important to me but I couldn't take her along to the city with me so we had to put her down.

 

I really missed her for several years. But recently I realized that I don't miss her so much anymore. It might be because I am now living in a place where my computer is at the window and the neighbourhood cats and squirrels and even birds come visit. I can watch animal and bird life from my basement appartment window. It's been a really blessing. A few weeks ago a baby blue jay ended up in my window well. For two or three days I was entertained by the drama of bird family life. After a few days the little guy had enough wing feathers to flutter out of the well and I would guess he's on his own by now.