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Anna_mbd

Yes, No, Yes, No! New Member :)

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Hi Everyone! I'm a newbie. I'm from Australia. A bit about where I'm at and how I got here...

 

I was raised Catholic but didn't have much interest. I was always a thinker, however, and spiritually inclined. At 19 I had an experience that I'll never be able to describe well... The language just doesn't exist! Lol. But basically time stopped as though it had always been an illusion, everything was unending peace, everything was intensely real and vivid. I remember gasping and it felt like it was the first time I'd actually ever felt the sensation of breathing. It was like waking up from a dream. Like I'd been living with a veil over my mind and eyes up until that point. It lasted for at least a few hours.

 

It happened a second time a few days later. Completely spontaneous. This time it was with another person. I'd never met the person before that day, but something just suddenly clicked over or cracked open and we were both instantly in that eternity type awareness. I remember not even having to worry about or contemplate/formulate my words... Meaning just "is" and there was no barrier between language and understanding. Very difficult to explain. I was certain the world had ended and it was happening to every person in the world at the same time, lol. I intuitively understood it to be Eden (sounds strange, but I just knew it). Nothing could ever bother me again. Joy, peace, elation, connection, ect. Just pure, vivid, living reality. I remember as it "wore off" that my insecurities began to creep back and I again instinctively knew that I was experiencing what I understood to be "the fall".

 

Anyway... I 100% moved away from any form of religion whatsoever after that. Even though the experience/awareness mirrored Christian mythology very strongly (e.g Kingdom of God, Eden, fall). I just COULDN'T find any similarity whatsoever between that experience and religious practice and dogma. They were opposite ends of each other. I spent the next 10 years away from Christianity.

 

Later in life I found myself in a deep, dark, confused state over existence/afterlife ect. I was petrified and felt like some kind of foundation or spiritual stronghold or security had temporarily been ripped out from under me. I was alone... Really, really alone and had nothing to cling to or give me hope or peace or security. It lasted a few months and was perhaps the scariest time in my life. It wasn't just a matter of "thinking", it was like any form of spiritual security vanished. It all started after watching a Zeitgeist doco.. And spiralled over a few into sons kind if spiritually empty abyss! Again... Very difficult to describe.

 

One day, I'd basically had enough if it and pretty much gave up on trying to find a solution or a way out (at that point I'd truly realised that there was nothing in the world that could save me from the horrible reality that for all I knew I'd become cosmic stardust and spend eternity floating in space for an afterlife!). I let go. I prayed my fear out loud and finally chose not to trust my own understandings. At that exact moment, a massive shooting star flew through the sky and I was instantly filled with peace. The fear has never (and can never) return. It was in the following months that I felt like I was lead to Jesus. He was the only one who made sense in light if my spiritual experiences so far. He gave assurance, he gave a promise, he found a way to "save" me from myself. No one else could do it the way he did.

 

I also understand my previous experience in that timelessness type state as a Grace. I never did anything to deserve or earn it. I didn't ask for it or pray for it. I didn't prepare for it. It was nothing to do with me. I learned that I'd have to be content with not being able to quantify or explain it. I also learned that if I wanted it to be of any meaning, then I'd have to be humble with it and stop trying to "make something" out of it and instead just let the experience be a hidden thing that rather guides my steps and understandings.

 

After that, I researched the religious side of Christisnity more, but every time I delve too deep into Catholicism, I begin to loose my joy, my spark, my passion, my liberation, my anticipation for God. I find overt religious language very annoying and find that it doesn't always reflect the true awesomeness of existence.

 

So here I am... Not so Religious but a believer and follower of Jesus. I do, however, feel like there are some absolutes in Christ. Otherwise, our assurities of what's to come (and what is in fact already here!), would have nothing to rest upon. For me, Christ is not just a teacher or an image or a metaphor or a "way". He IS. :)

 

I still have much to experience and to learn and to love. I also really enjoy hearing the knowledge and experiences of others.

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Welcome to the forum Anna,

 

Your experience at 19 some may call that the new birth experience, being born again, awakening to Life, rising from the dead, experiencing the kingdom, satori to a Buddhist or temporary awareness to your inner being or true nature. I believe that is the end of the world, and second coming of "Christ" that Jesus is recorded talking about.

 

Religion can get bogged down with dogma and doctrine which negates the experience of Christ. As you, i also find religious language doesn't always reflect the true awesomeness of existence and spirituality. Why worry or have angst about knowing what is to come? Didn't your past experience show you that time was an illusion and the world but a dream you were waking up from? To me your experiences agree more with truth and much of the teachings of Jesus more than any church taught dogma or tradition. Personal experiences are priceless for learning and understanding and are far beyond mere words. My advice would be to .... Rest in your "being", that is where Christ is. (not Jesus the man) . For in Christ we live and have our being. I have found resting in knowledge or what's to come while it gives one hope is devoid of the experience of the kingdom which is here now.

 

Again welcome,

Joseph

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Thanks, Joseph. That's very true. The experience of Christ is different from the dogma. I also agree that it is the "end" that Jesus spoke about. I don't think Church tradition can encapsulate it. The sacraments are supposed to point towards it, but the proof is in the pudding...the traditions tend to close us off to the "now".

 

I'm also interested in the difference between Jesus, and the Christ. Started to learn it at uni, but still hard to get my head around.

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I'm also interested in the difference between Jesus, and the Christ. Started to learn it at uni, but still hard to get my head around.

Anna welcome and lucky you for such a profound experience. You framed it with Christian symbols because those are in your mind and the best reference for you what is beyond the mind even though there are an infinite number of ways to experience it. Christian mysticism is about developing a direct insightful experience, relationship and communion with the beautiful, reasonable energy of the universe and its awe-inspiring power deep within, what we Christians call God. Feel free to talk about anything here and get some great perspectives from many different angles, all describing the same experience.

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Anna ,

 

As you may know... Christ” comes from christos, a Greek word meaning and most often translated asanointed.” Many say It is the equivalent of the Hebrew word mashiach, or Messiah, However my personal experience and study of the word shows it comes from the Greek root word Chrio and is more an empowering or flow of the spirit of God. It is as being (anointed) rubbed or smeared together with God or as Jesus is recorded saying "I and my Father are One". In my understanding and experience, he didn't mean that he was God but rather that at the time he spoke it he was empowered or smeared together as one with God in Spirit. And this wasn't only for him as following that statement. Jesus is recorded saying to the effect that ".I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one " John 17:20-22 . To me, the word "Christ" is that oneness in the Christian religion. Other religions may use different words but i view it as the same experience.

 

Joseph

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Welcome to the forum, Anna!

 

Your experiences, while the details may differ, are not that uncommon amongst spiritual seekers. I was indoctrinated into Christianity as a child and, over the years, experienced a lot of cognitive dissonance with it. All of this eventually lead me to my own "dark night of the soul" which lasted about 3 years or so. What brought this to an end was an experience of what I call the "buoyancy of God", knowing that nothing can ever separate me from God and his love. I still have a lot of questions and do a lot of study and research. But I do it out of passion, not out of fear.

 

Thanks for sharing this part of your journey with us! I look forward to getting to know you better and hearing your insights!

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