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Raven

Utterly Despondent

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I am feeling utterly despondent this morning. Actually, it's a carry-over from last night. In any case, I'm definitely in a funk this morning. I'm at a point in my life where I want something (more like a couple of somethings) to happen and I'm just not doing well at being patient, waiting - I'm finding myself very frustrated, worried, depressed.... I'm not sure why I'm even posting this here, except that you lovely folks have become like a family to me, and I'm hoping someone out there today has some words of wisdom or kindness to help me out. There is so much good in my life, that I feel like a terrible person for even feeling unhappy - but I do, so there it is. Help!

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Aw Raven,

 

The only help I can give is empathy! Meaning I know exactly how you feel, of course. I find when I'm in that funk that chant helps. Really and truly. It sort of takes m mind off things and refocuses me. Sometimes it helps. Hope you're feeling better soon!

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Thanks, Yvonne. I'm not much of a chanter, but I have been praying, and thinking a lot - though thinking too much is probably what got me into this mess to begin with. It's hard to look around at other people and see that they have what you want. Yes, I sound like a spoiled brat, but it's an honest statement. *sigh* this miserable rain isn't helping, either. I know I just need to let go and let things unfold as they will, but sometimes it's hard not to get caught up in it all. I appreciate your good thoughts, as always, my friend. :)

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Raven,

 

I don't know about words of wisdom, but I can offer some of my own!

 

Like Yvonne, I don't have much to offer than empathy. If it helps, know that you are not alone when you are feeling despondent. Many of us do at various times. I have had a period of despondency for the last 6 months when a new CEO started and decided to restructure things. It wasn't really a positive for me at the time, and I sort of went to pieces. But, I've been rattled before and I know that just breathing and continuing on will allow things to work out eventually.

 

I know how hard it is to look at others and wish you had what they had. Perhaps though keep in mind that quite possibly they are doing the same looking at you. As you say, there is so much good in your life - perhaps you are a model for others. And do we ever really know what others have. One thing I've learnt is that some of the people who seem to have so much are actually hocked up to the eyeballs and wish they could escape the debt.

 

If it at all helps, when I feel like this I just try to put it aside and concentrate on what needs doing. I foucs on real life things that need attention - work, home chores, projects - and just get on with them and it seesm that the despondent feelings lift.

 

I wish you well.

 

Paul

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Raven,

 

How is the funk today? Better I hope.

 

George

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Paul,

You're right - refocusing is a big help! I spent yesterday trying to keep myself busy and not be tormented by my own thoughts, and it did help a bit. There are always other things to focus on. It's true, too - is everyone looking through someone else's window? Maybe. My life is great, and I know I shouldn't really complain about anything. I guess just once in a while I start to feel like there are things I'm missing out on, or waiting too long for. It's hard, but I guess that's just life. Learning to deal with it is the real lesson.

 

George,

The funk is a bit better today, thank you. I've spent a lot of time in prayer since yesterday morning, and it's helped me come to a peaceful point. I've had a couple of good conversations with friends, too, so that's been helpful. I wish I was better at letting go of things that aren't necessarily (or entirely) in my control, but it doesn't seem to be in my personality. That's where I struggle. Instead, I'm focusing now on experiencing joy in my life as it is, and being grateful. It's a better way to spend the day.

 

Thanks you guys - a great example of why this place is so great!

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I know I shouldn't really complain about anything. I guess just once in a while I start to feel like there are things I'm missing out on, or waiting too long for. It's hard, but I guess that's just life. Learning to deal with it is the real lesson.

You are right, you should not complain, you should be very, very, very angry. I used to have a punching a bag for such moments and I once took a baseball bat (had to buy one at the thrift store) and smashed up a big wooden trunk. Anger can also be directed in more productive ways.

 

I think anger is a useful emotion and that complaints are mental measurements. Asking how does this stack up to that? The question I have been taught to ask is what can I do in the next moment that's good in my eyes, that's enjoyable for me in my context. It would be hard to go drive my BMW z4. But I can do something that I enjoy. and 'they' tell me that the more often I make the choice for joy in the next moment the more the next moment is enjoyable whether I made a 'good' choice or not.

 

The next moment is the one I have to focus on rather than regret that my mental disorder was not diagnosed earlier or that my parents were. . .. I now have no control over those past possibilities. Asking whether to feed the white wolf or black wolf is useful if it doesn't create judgments and measurements. Feed your joy and feed your growth.

 

We should be trained so that when hearing a certain sound we will change our mood to expectancy instead of dread. I recommend Ken Medema's song "Your call O God."

 

http://kenmedema.com/index.aspx

 

Take care

 

Dutch

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The question I have been taught to ask is what can I do in the next moment that's good in my eyes, that's enjoyable for me in my context. It would be hard to go drive my BMW z4. But I can do something that I enjoy. and 'they' tell me that the more often I make the choice for joy in the next moment the more the next moment is enjoyable whether I made a 'good' choice or not.

 

The next moment is the one I have to focus on rather than regret that my mental disorder was not diagnosed earlier or that my parents were. . .. I now have no control over those past possibilities. Asking whether to feed the white wolf or black wolf is useful if it doesn't create judgments and measurements. Feed your joy and feed your growth.

 

Well put, Dutch.

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Dutch,

 

You raise some good points. Yesterday I used my energy on more beneficial activities, instead of dwelling too much on things that are simply currently out of my control. It was a good way to re-centre, and also not focus on things that make me feel negative. There's always *something* you can do, even if it's not exactly your heart's desire at that moment.

 

Thanks for posting the song, as well - it was beautiful. :)

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Raven, Salutations to the Divinity within you. Our finite brains play so many games, but in the finite is the in----finite. You are in the infinite and the infinite spirit is within you. You might not be able to see it at this moment but it never ends or will leave you. It seems you are being in it right now from you last post. It will go on guiding you whether you are aware of it or not. The hardest thing is for us to separate ourselves from the infinite. You are awakening to it and the good thing is you are going through a hard time now so you can relate to and lead others out of the tunnel. When it comes don’t try to control it, direct it or follow it………..just watch it. Surf it and enjoy the bliss. Don’t worry you will fall off the surfboard, but you will live to surf another day. The infinite does not stop and you are a part of it so we need to just be from time to time. Ignore the criticism and judgments……….without fail you making contact and are aware. You are a human being so just be, sit, lay, rest and be aware. You don’t have to do a thing. That is your duty now because you are going to help others with the same problem. You can call it what you want: God the Father, Absolute, Love, Divine Goddess, no-thing, nothing, Bliss, Nirvanna, Samadhi, Moksha, just listen, watch and enjoy. Don't worry we all fall off the surfboard and have to catch another wave. Think how boring it would be if we never failed.

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Thanks, Soma. You're right - life is exactly the way it's supposed to be, trials and all. I suppose we really learn more from the tough times than the easy times.

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I have had some tough times and they seem to continue like the breath, but when I watch the breath which happens automaticly, I don't have to breathe it just happens in the background of stillness some call peace. We are lucky we have been introduced to the Divinity within. The experiences we have only help us understand what others are going through so we can help them by just being ourselves, really nothing to do just be. Your posts show your contemplative side, a side that has goes deep within similar to water finding the lowest common denominator, but water is pure when it flows and becomes stagnate when it sits. You have the balance because you contemplate in the well of Divinity and you serve others to flow and share the spirit. We all learned and can grow from your post thanks.

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