des Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 From www.stmatthews.org.nz/S012.htm posted by des Q. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. God has already preordained when the lights will be on. Q. How many evangelicals? A. Evangelicals do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the light bulb will decide to change itself. Q. How many liberals? A. Ten, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent. (Just for fun) Q. How many United Methodists? A. We do not choose to make a statement either in favour of, or against the need for a light bulb. However if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it at a forum which will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three way, long lived and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AletheiaRivers Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 ROFL Thanks for making me laugh. It's been one of those days. Aletheia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrotherRog Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 How many Lutherans? "Change? What do you MEAN "change"?! My MOTHER donated those lightbulbs!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
des Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 (edited) Hey, and this is a true story sort of. Do you know the difference between UCC and United Methodists? You don't bring potato salad to a UCC potluck!!!! (Don't ever even think about it unless there are purple potatoes in it and six herbs). There won't be any jello salads or tuna casserole either. But if you want a good taboulie recipe... Ok another one. Do you know how to cause chaos in the Christian Science church? Start a discussion on the reading room carpet. Everyone will agree on theology. BTW, did you know that they really did install a phone at Mary Baker Eddy's tomb so she could call back when arose from the dead. She's the lady who never phoned home. :-) If you have 12 UCCers in a room together, you'll have 13 opinions. Any more? --des Edited January 12, 2005 by des Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Well, okay, I guess I can poke some fun at my own denomination This one is stolen from an Episcopalian board: A line of people was formed up at the Pearly Gates, waiting to enter. St. Peter was checking their names off a clipboard. The next man stepped up and said, "Peter, I'm Jewish, can I still get in?" St. Peter said, "Why, of course. We have a reciprocity agreement. Let me just check your records here . . . Uh oh. You know that BLT sandwich you had last week? The "B" is for bacon, and bacon is pork, and you know you're not allowed to eat pork. Sorry, come back later." The next man stepped up. "St. Peter, I'm Roman Catholic, surely you'll let me in." St. Peter says, "Why, of course. Let me just check the documentation here . . . Hmmmm -- you know that Big Mac you ate last Friday. It's Lent, you know -- no meat on Friday. You'll have to come back later." The next man steps up. "I'm Episcopalian, I can get in right away, can't I?" St. Peter says, "Naturally! Let me just check this over . . . Uh oh. That vestry dinner last week? You ate your salad with the fish fork." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
des Posted January 14, 2005 Author Share Posted January 14, 2005 More light bulb jokes: Q. How many Christian Scientists does it take to change a light bulb? A. The light bulb is a spiritual manifestation of the Light of Christ and never needs changing. Q: How many Congregationalists does it take to change a light bulb? A. The whole damn committee! --des Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KennethJ Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 How many Pentecostals...? Two. One to change the lightbulb, the other to cast out the power of darkness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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