The New Me!

[RhondaK]

In the last year or so my life has changed for the better, in this last year, almost 2, I haven't been to church except only to visit here and there. I've had a long struggle with who I used to be as a Christian and who I am now as a believer in God. I continue to believe in a Higher Power but the God I knew and learned as a child is not the same one I see today, or maybe my perception of him has changed. It has been a definite struggle. I choose not to mention my religious preference to my friends because here in the south you just assume everyone believes in God the way you do and any debate causes judgement and argument. So I'm feeling somewhat alone, but on the positive side I feel great. I've grown into a mature and strong woman and I'm happy with who I've become and happy with whom God has made me. I believe he lives on the inside of me and that everything I need is in me. Its hard to describe to some but I'm sure I'm not obligated to share it here. What I did want to share is just how hard its been over the years to be a Christian praying and never feeling that I was being filled. My bliss and peace and joy came a different way that what I was taught. Has anyone ever had that tug o war within themselves. I was pulling away from what I was taught by my grandparents and I began to believe in the God who loved me and believed in me and could care less about the things I do as long as they fall within healthy moral guidelines. Respecting people and helping them. I think these things are important. My motto for life, love God and his people. I guess I"m sharing my story here because I wanted to just have some people who understood my story, to see who can relate, to get some support and comfort during my time of settling into what I desire for my life spiritually. I don't attend a church right now, I don't wanna be told what to do and who to love and how to treat them. I wanna show love and blessings to everyone I meet. I don't wanna tell anyone they are going to hell because thats hard to do when they are living the best way they can. Its hard to live life all by itself. I fight with thoughts about what does this mean for my fate, but of course I'm lining this up against my prior teachings. It can be scary sometime but I just wanna be free with respect to my higher power. I've been taught that isn't possible. That I"m to be a slave to my God. I believe he is due the respect and honor as the supreme being but I don't see him being so mean and harsh. I have several concerns but mostly want help with the different obstacles I meet while changing into a more liberal Christian if you will. I feel like anytime I discuss it I have to prove myself. I just wanna be comfortable in my own skin and ok with my current decisions. Which inside I do feel ok, but when I meet others thats when I become afraid. I'm not the same as them and I wish they could understand that. Well I hope my intro to the new me has been good enough. I look forward to meeting new friends here. God bless.

[JosephM]

Hi RhondaK,

 

Thanks so much for sharing. The "tug of war" is not an uncommon feeling to many who have passed this way. After all, waking up from a highly conditioned religious experience is a sometimes lonely and stressful event. In my view, You are in good company here and free to share whatever your feelings and what is on your mind without condemnation or judgement from others.

 

Thanks again for sharing and welcome to the forum.

 

Joseph

[soma]

RhondaK, Welcome to the forum and salutations to the Divinity within you. I feel the spirit in your post so can't wait for your next one.