tariki

Back in McDonald's (have I ever been away?) and some workman is repairing some piece of electrical set-up. Quite a shrieking of electric drilling, and it makes a change from children screaming. 

Well into pop biographies at the moment and one quote caught my eye...

I have always believed that rock ’n’ roll comes down to myth. There are no “facts.”  (Lester Bangs, in "Rod Stewart")

Not actually reading a Rod Stewart biography, but the quote was from another book sampled. No "facts". It makes me think of the art of translation......and it is an art. Samuel Beckett apparently suffered much as he sought to translate his own works, written in French, into English (or vice versa) Sometimes he gave up the job as impossible. Very easy to translate "the cat sat on the mat" but when you get down to nuances of expression within one language to translate/express the self-same thought/feeling into another becomes a daunting task. The implications of all this is far reaching. I leave it to you. 

For me it relates to "judgement", particularly of others. Reflect upon this:-

It’s difficult to be a legend. It’s hard for me to recognize me. You spend a lot of time trying to avoid it…. The way the world treats you is unbearable…. It’s unbearable because time is passing and you are not your legend, but you’re trapped in it. Nobody will let you out of it except other people who know what it is. But very few people have experienced it, know about it, and I think that can drive you mad. I know it can. I know it can. (James Baldwin, interviewed by Quincy Troupe)

It's difficult to be anybody in this world, where "hell is other people". In a preface to a bio of Elvis Presley I found this:-

“Suspending moral judgment is not the immorality of the novel,” Milan Kundera wrote in what could be taken as a challenge thrown down to history and biography, too. This suspension of judgment is the storyteller’s morality, “the morality that stands against the ineradicable human habit of judging instantly, ceaselessly, and everyone; of judging before, and in the absence of, understanding.” It is not that moral judgment is illegitimate; it is simply that it has no place in describing a life.

To be honest, thoughts on this bring me to tears, still being emotionally raw from ditching anti-depressants (into the second week now)

We are all living "lifes" and the judgements are terrible at times. "Judge not, lest you be judged". So true. We can know ourselves in the judgements we make of others, and we can therefore stand condemned while the one we judge rests in the mercy and grace of Reality.

But whatever, back to the biographies. Reading one on Charlie Watts at the moment. A good man, beautifully flawed as we all are......" there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in" as Leonard Cohen sings in "Anthem". Just stop trying to make a perfect offering! 

As Keith Richards, his bandmate, said:-

He was a very private man. I always had the feeling that I wouldn’t necessarily step over or enquire about something, unless he wanted to talk about it. There was no side on him, there was no act to follow. Charlie was just what you got, which was Charlie. He was the realest guy I ever met.

So Charlie was just Charlie, which says it all, or says nothing. Take your pick. 

PS One story from the book made me laugh, about Keith Richards in his library, on steps reaching and stretching up to get a book on anatomy by Leonardo da Vinci from the shelves. He slipped and did his collar bone. Keith reports that while he never got the book, he learnt a lot about anatomy! 

On 4/10/2024 at 10:40 PM, romansh said:

Did the graphic novel depict this scene?  

 

Yes, in glorious colour! 

Had to laugh as I read through (for a second time) the graphic novel "Slaughterhouse 5" by Kurt Vonnegut.  The "hero" Billy Pilgrim has the serenity prayer up on his office wall:-

Then it says of Billy that the things he could not change were the past, the present, and the future!

Which jogs my memory of the opening lines of Four Quartets by T S Eliot:-

The end of the same poem:-

Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

(You can tell I'm not very busy)

Another view, this one showing my own best feature......

The view from the till.....

Now at Oxfam. I always bring my own music, but the Ramone's "Rocket to Russia" was playing so I've left it on for the moment - their cover of the old Searcher's hit "Needles and Pins" (or is it "pinsa"?) has always been a favorite.

Posting my previous story, I was remembering (or trying to) a little haiku. I've found it....

For those who proclaim

they've grown weary of children

there are no flowers

What I was going to write before, my original intention, was about trying to describe my actual state of mind recently - a sort of void with all the various thoughts/moments spinning around and about. It's all a bit strange. But just by chance I picked up on a book by Jung, "Psychology and the East" and hit on a passage that was immediately relevant, about the disintegration of the conscious mind and the protection it needs from the "centre". An image really grabbed me:-

The guy is "centred" even in the storm of revolving "selves" which each have their own disintegration into other "selves"! 

"Be still and know that I AM God"

Well, I'm not making much sense. Back to the Ramones!

Tuesday is my Burger and Chips day at McDonald's, prior to my afternoon stint at Oxfam in the music section of the local Book and Music Shop. The place is crowded, I love the ambience of the place. Crowded! And yet down the High Street the Burger King is virtually empty - difficult to know exactly why one place attracts while another is shunned. 

Just to say that since Xmas I have been tapering off the anti-depressants. I tried it a couple of years ago with disastrous results. This time I consulted with my GP and I have stuck to a preplanned reduction, not accelerating simply because of "feeling good". From 40mg I now take just 10mg a day, and next monday is the day when they finally go into the bin. 

The last time I tried I ended up almost in the mad-house. I've probably told this before but really can't remember. In the middle of all the depression and anxiety I had the task of taking a couple of large carrier bags of stuff to my daughter's place, about three miles away. After this, to collect the grand-children from school. It was raining, the wind blowing. No car and the buses here are unreliable. A three mile walk in the wind and rain, with two heavy bags. My eye was on the clock, and the minutes ticked away before I knew I had to leave. The time came, I stood up, and I grabbed both the heavy bags. It just struck me then how impossible it was. I just stood in the middle of the lounge and seriously, it was in my sliding mind the time for the white-coats to come and take me away. I remember simply standing there and saying:- "I need help"......and I meant that I needed to be sectioned, taken away. My dear "other half" (who in all the long years has never said anything like "pull yourself together" or any other bullshit) just thought that I needed help with the task at hand. She said to give my mate Terry a ring, ask him to give me a lift to my daughters. It was something to do. I rang him, and thankfully he was in, and in ten minutes he was there outside. My best mate. 

Not only did he take me, but he then drove me down to the school to pick up the little kiddies, then he hung around for a few more hours (missing his own dinner) after I poured out a few of my problems to him. It brought us closer. Really, he had saved me from the knackers yard. Once or twice I've tried to explain to him but I think he just looked upon it as a small favour. 

Gratitude. He was the mate who died from a sudden heart attack just a couple of months ago. What can you say? 

Anyway, next monday is the end of the tablets day - all being well. The tapering off this time has been fairly uneventful, actually feeling better the less I have taken. Maybe a bit over-emotional and teary at times, but fairly stable; but that said, an undertone of simply feeling very little at all - hard to explain. But I do know that my heart leaps at the sight of "little ones", their faces - children delight me!

Well, I must go. But may continue once I get to Oxfam. I had intended a slightly different post but as usual the words just wrote themselves irrespective of my original intentions.

11 hours ago, PaulS said:

Um, err, no, I was referring to the Australian Father Christmas, Derek!  The English one is for real, of course!

Thanks for the clarification. 

😀

On and off, I have been getting back to graphic novels. They can be really good on Kindle, where you can just tap any picture twice and it then fills the whole screen. A side swipe will take you onto the next picture. And so on. 

Looking again at "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" where some guy, his car boot stacked with drugs and booze, roars off to pursue the American Dream! The graphics are superb, capturing the strident and nightmarish theme.

Another I like is a Sherlock Holmes story, "The Sign of Four" which was ridiculously cheap on Kindle, about the price of a cup of coffee at McDonald's. 

Just to mention a quote found right at the beginning of the Fear & Loathing novel, buried in a picture of the "hero" who is draped in Old Glory.....

 "He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man" (Samuel Johnson)

Which made me remember another quote, from Shakespeare:-

"No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity..... . . .  But I know none, and therefore am no beast."

Time to go. 

On 3/31/2024 at 8:21 AM, PaulS said:

A good example of this is Father Christmas or Santa.  As a child you believed he existed.....

Hey, what are you trying to tell me?

😀

On 1/16/2024 at 5:41 PM, romansh said:

I came across this quote yesterday ... not sure what to make of it ...

I think the notion that the species can be improved in some way, that everyone could live in harmony, is a really dangerous idea. Those who are afflicted with this notion are the first ones to give up their souls, their freedom. Your desire that it be that way will enslave you and make your life vacuous. -- Cormac McCarthy

 

At a fundamental level any thought of a need to improve (of ourselves or of others) is an attack upon acceptance. Leading to revolution - which is just what it means, a revolving wheel. New winners and new losers, but also "meet the new boss, same as the old boss" as Pete Townsend has it!

 True and genuine acceptance is - paradoxically - the way to transformation.

Sadly, more often than not, our "acceptance" is a sham - we "accept" with our eyes upon the change it will bring! 

Therefore...... "No-calculation"!

This all involves mercy, forgiveness, and so much more. The associations and correspondences are there to be found across the whole world of our Faith Traditions. 

What we have to be is what we are.

On 3/30/2024 at 11:04 PM, romansh said:

 

That virtually sums up his book "Beyond Theology: The Art of Godmanship"

😀

Everything progresses even as it stays the same. One eminent philosopher said that reality is a "constant advance into novelty" and so it is! We stay with our "selves" at our peril. 

Very much an admirer of Alan Watts and his work at the moment (along with Candy Crush Soda Saga, for which I can proudly claim to be at level 4445) He had his problems with drink but hey, we all have our problems. Fix your own.

Reading his "The Way of Zen" at the moment. This from his introduction:-

Western thought has changed so rapidly in this century that we are in a state of considerable confusion. Not only are there serious difficulties of communication between the intellectual and the general public, but the course of our thinking and of our very history has seriously undermined the common-sense assumptions which lie at the roots of our social conventions and institutions. Familiar concepts of space, time, and motion, of nature and natural law, of history and social change, and of human personality itself have dissolved, and we find ourselves adrift without landmarks in a universe which more and more resembles the Buddhist principle of the “Great Void.”

The void! Positive or negative. Some fear the void, some embrace it. 

Alan Watts then goes on to quote an old zen saying:-

Above, not a tile to cover the head; below, not an inch of ground for the foot.

He then says that such language should not actually be so unfamiliar to us, were we truly prepared to accept the meaning of “the foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man hath not where to lay his head.”

Nowhere to lay our heads! Most prefer "beliefs", even to the point of claiming that their own set the parameters of an "only way". Quite tragic. Is there an "only way" set in stone, found in a book, that can actually set us free? Gives us the "peace that passes understanding"? More often than not the peace I see in others is all too understandable! 

As Thomas Merton once said, the only way is in fact "no way at all", a "way" where we in fact become as good as lost. But - as he says again - such a way is not a way out! 

Well, I waffle. 

An image found at random on Google. I like it.

Not quite sure what the final two lines mean?

Another page, this with one of William Blake's depictions of God - who was often referred to in other contexts as "Old Nobodaddy"!

Blake once wrote a poem addressed to this entity:-

Why art thou silent & invisible
Father of jealousy
Why dost thou hide thyself in clouds
From every searching Eye

Why darkness & obscurity
In all thy words & laws
That none dare eat the fruit but from
The wily serpents jaws
Or is it because Secresy
gains females loud applause

A couple of sample pages from "Christian Mystics":-

Now awaiting a couple more Blooks from Blookup. One is "Christian Mystics" and the other is a third volume of "McDonald's Memos". 

The cover shows the church of Little Gidding, associated with T.S.Eliot's "Four Quartets". Which gives me the excuse to quote again the last few lines of that poem, which I love...

7 hours ago, PaulS said:

Pour away, Derek.  I love reading about your interests.  It opens things up that I certainly may have never considered - such as learning a little about Samuel Beckett!

I've always loved biographies, mostly of artists and writers ( but of some others too ) They put flesh and blood onto their various works. 

Apparently some such writers insist that their works should never be related to their lives as lived (I think T.S.Eliot for instance) but - at least for me - they are inseparable. 

Plus learning all the time. To take a quick look at a play of Beckett's on YouTube and wonder "what on earth is that all about" and then to have it illuminated by the learning and insight of others. 

Always remembering:- "One can never know enough, but not in order to judge", another profound quote found in a book on Beckett to add to my repertoire! (Not Beckett's words by the way, but appropriate to his own approach to life and living) "Judgement" is incompatible with any true understanding/living - that awful coming to conclusions. I relate it to the Pure Land way of "no-calculation" (hakarai).

And then we have Christ's words..... "Judge not, lest you be judged"

I'm waffling again.......😀

Samuel Beckett

What more can you say? 

Wonderful these days to have virtually all of the art of our world at our fingertips. On Kindle there is the Delphi series of artists, each available for the price of a cup of coffee at McDonald's. Each offers all the work of the artist, in colour and HD, and you can zoom in and magnify without losing defintion. There is also commentary and additional pictures of the artist, their birthplace and various other goodies.

I have a great collection now and often download a selection and work through, moving slowly through the various works. Reading a biography of Samuel Beckett recently I learnt that he would often sit for more than an hour in front of certain works, absorbing the facial expressions and the "body language" of those depicted. Beckett transferred and transformed those expressions into the visual aspects of his plays, and looking at some on YouTube you can refer back to a particular painting and see how movement and emotion becomes part of the plays performance.

There is a Japanese word, I think "menji" (but I keep forgetting the actual word!) which means something like the "passing on of reality face to face", reaching beyond simple book learning or even the very best prose. Which reminds me of an old Jewish story, of a guy who travels far to see a Rabbi who is becoming quite famous and talked about. Upon his return he is asked if he liked what he heard...." Oh, I did not go to listen to him, I wanted to see how he tied his shoelaces."

There is certainly a communication going on all the time that transcends words - I think that is the way love, compassion, empathy, even mercy, are truly known, expressed and communicated. In our every gesture. Often our words can betray us.

Thomas Merton once spoke of a true "mysticism" as being necessarily the "contact of two liberties". In context he meant the "liberty" of each singular human being and God. Being a non-theist myself I simply see reality as the contact of various liberties, each of us playing our part. Tying our shoelaces, drinking our coffee - love is there or it is not.

Sorry, I'm rambling as usual. Waffling. It's just that at nearly 75 it is now or never and more and more I simply do not care what I pour out.

May true Dharma continue.
No blame. Be kind. Love everything.

Just finished reading the book "Damned to Fame", by James Knowlson, a biography of Samuel Beckett. 

My review of the book is now "live" on Amazon (if "live" is the right word......😀) and here it is:-

I really enjoyed reading this biography of Samuel Beckett. Quite long but for me not a word was wasted. Before reading this I knew only of "Waiting for Godot" and "Krapp's Last Tape" and very little of Samuel Beckett's life story.

This biography attains a fine balance between life story narrative and insight into the works of Beckett. Today, on a Kindle Fire, it is easy to switch from the text of the book to all the presentations of the plays on YouTube, and also to see the many great paintings that influenced Beckett. Quite an education! And I thank Mr Knowlson for sharing his deep knowledge of Becketts work that flows easily from the text.

Samuel Beckett comes across as a fine human being, deeply compassionate in the very best way i.e. without any awareness of it or intent to be so. Just simply "there" for so many friends and even casual acquaintances met with as his life unfolded.

The counterpoint for me is in the "eastern" ways of "emptiness", of "no-self", of the "void", of the creative nihilism that such ways promise to open in contrast to the despairing nihilism of our current "western" world. Given the information of this book, Beckett had no acquaintance with such ways and terms, yet his despair/nihilism was indeed creative and life-giving, with the potential to become so for anyone who absorbs the heart of his many plays of mime and voice, music and movement.

Anyway, whatever, a superb book and one can only feel gratitude toward the learning of James Knowlson - and the life and works of Samuel Beckett. Thank you.

(End of review)

I love finding a book that becomes for me a "page turner" or one that "cannot be put down". Many are described as such on their blurbs, but reality often kicks in and two pages become enough before the book is put down - or turned off if on Kindle. 

But, whatever, as I said in the review, "educational". It has opened up so much, reviving interest in art and music. So much to feed such interest these days, when the whole artistic catalogue of say Rembrandt or Rafael can be had literally for the price of a coffee in McDonald's. Delphi's art series provides this, with indepth commentaries and extras such as pictures of the artists birthplace and even biographies.

But. Beckett. I would love to have met him and sat in silence with him. 

One thing to me it is not. It is not an offer by some transcendent Being which can be accepted or refused, all according to some particular theology. 

It has much more in keeping with the new flavour of milkshake in McDonald's, vanilla. Vanilla pods, grown on the south side of any particular plantation, well ripened. A singular taste, with a beany rather than a woody tang, ending with a rather rich bouquet that lingers long on the tongue. 

😀

Here I am in the Kaf, really McDonald's with burger and coffee prior to my stint on the tills at Oxfam. Enjoying a holiday from "heavy" books and reading a biography of Samuel Beckett, "Damned to Fame". So good. In fact it seems to do all that any "heavy" book tries to do, but by way of no-calculation, which is in fact very Becketish the more I think about it (which I try not to do......😀) Well, I waffle.

Some light moments in the book, a story told of an order for a pair of trousers from a Paris tailor:-

The reference to the world and the pair of trousers alludes to the story of a tailor, who takes many weeks to make a pair of trousers for a customer. The client objects that it took God only seven days to make the entire world. But, replies the tailor, ‘look at the world and look at my trousers’!

Well, it made me laugh, which doesn't come cheap.

The book is by no means hagiographic, but for me Beckett comes shining through as a fine human being. Compassionate without self-consciousness of being so, and actually reaching deep into others even when lost in his own solitude. "Nothing to be done" - yet he does it! All providing a counterpoint, perhaps more an illumination, of much of Dogen. Having immersed myself in Dogen for a while, the life and thought of Beckett is a feast of "east/west" perceptions and inter-relationships. Much insight into:-

......flowers fall even though we love them; weeds grow even though we dislike them. Conveying oneself toward all things to carry out practice-enlightenment is delusion. All things coming and carrying out practice-enlightenment through the self is realization. (Words from "Genjokoan", the "actualisation of reality)

Beckett was all against the creation of "order", of "answers", of any "system" that will inevitably stifle our spontaneous on-going life. His prose and plays are in many ways a sheer chaos. Yet:-

There's a way out there, there's a way out somewhere, the rest would come, the other words, sooner or later, and the power to get there, and the way to get there, and pass out, and see the beauties of the skies, and see the stars again. (Samuel Beckett, ninth monologue, "Texts for Nothing", as spoken by a tramp-like waif as he contemplates death)

"There's a way out", but keep quiet about it! Don't even think of it. Thomas Merton's "there is no key, no door" - don't ever think that you have the key!

Beckett could have remained safe as a neutral Irish citizen in Paris during WW2 and the German occupation. But he joined the French Resistance and narrowly avoided capture by the Gestapo. I've now reached the post-war years, when his literary creativity exploded. "Waiting for Godot" is soon to come!

 "Nothing to be done"! Creative nihilism.

On 2/28/2024 at 1:35 PM, Samia Ung said:

Does anyone use this forum? Seems kinda inactive at the moment. Oh well still happy to have found some like minded folks! 

Yes, sorry about the lack of response. I've also found Forums that prove to be barely used! It can be very disappointing.

Maybe try a few others, like:-

www.spiritualforums.com

which are very lively and with many sections where I think you would find a few responses.

We all have "demons". Faith for me is in letting go, which strangely can lead to facing and overcoming all demons! 

But, whatever, all the best. Post more if you like. 

I tend to extrapolate from one creed (ancient or modern or inbetween) to another. Find correspondences. So I also look around "today". 

No doubt what passes muster for us today (if anything) and what we might presume to be "wisdom", will be scorned 2000 years from now? Who knows.

But we each have to find our own unique path, time and place. Unique. But though unique, what others have found is of interest. At least to me.

Saved from what? Basically there is nothing that we need to do and yet we cannot do nothing  (after allowing for Camus, who said that our first decision is whether or not to commit suicide!) After that, and deciding against, as Spike said:-

What do we do now?

(Atheist...."a" = not......theist)

For me it still comes down to what is taught in the fundamental Theravada texts. i.e. ALL metaphysical conclusions are inimicable to what that branch of Buddhism called the "holy life":-

So this holy life......does not have gain, honour, and renown for its benefit, or the attainment of virtue for its benefit, or the attainment of concentration for its benefit, or knowledge and vision for its benefit. But it is this unshakeable deliverance of mind that is the goal of this holy life, its heartwood, and its end.

(Majjhima Nikaya)