apexcone

Doesn't seem to be much action on this forum. Terry

Welcome, I to have just come back to this forum. Let's hope it becomes home for both of us. Shalom Terry

I have recently finished the 1st draft of my new book, "Biblical Sexuality" well maybe not Biblical but my understanding of what the Bible teaches on sexuality. I am more than happy to make it freely available in PDF format for those interested. As someone who has a living faith and in a triad relationship with 2 women we have spend years being bombarded and shamed by religious fanatics that tell us our life style is outside the Biblical model of a Godly relationship. The book is a result of my own personal study and inspiration from others in similar relationships. Below is the Table of contents. Acknowledgements Introduction Christian Sexual Conflicts The Church and the Problem of Pleasure Marriage, Monogamy, and the Power Structure of Institutional Christianity The Gospel of Christ, Sexual Liberty and Fulfillment How Sex Was Made Sin Lust or Covet What is Sexual immorality? Fornication (Singles’ Sexuality) is Not a Biblical Conflict Adultery Sex and Other Religions What About Love Sex as Communion Conclusion Additional Reading About Us If your interested in a free copy you can email me at: terryjohns@live.ca Shalom

As I look back fundamentalism provided a real rock for me when I came to faith, as the majority of my life was shifting sand. I never lost my faith just shifted it to a trust in God rather than a narrative which placed more emphasis on believing right rather than living right. Just finished writing a book called "Biblical Sexuality" which Im very excited about. Shalom

Absolutely. Started my faith journey in 1982, at a very low point in my life which had collapsed. For the first 15 years of my journey I was a fundamentalist Charismatic embedded in the faith movement. My faith started changing in 1997 when I started asking different questions, which seemed obvious to me but apparently a real problem to other believers as they would have been to me just a few years earlier. Understanding that the scriptures were never written to be literally interpreted changed almost everything for me. Bishop John Shelby Spong has been a huge source of encouragement for me. My faith is now in my Father in heaven and not the words of the Bible.

Good morning, well it is here in Alberta. I guess like most people my faith journey has been an evolving process. Started my journey 35 years ago as a staunch fundamentalist and litralist, spend several years wondering around not being sure what I believed and in the past 10 years have found my place in the body as a Progressive Post Modernist Believer. I guess many can identify that we learn most in the valleys. In the past 6 months I have spent many hours listening to John Spong, great teacher, incredible mind and real easy to listen to. In many ways Im saddened that so many of my network of friends are unable to hear his message, reminds me of how closed off and arrogant I was when trapped in litralism. I'm excite about my journey and thrilled to be back on this forum. Shallom Terry

A bad marriage is made up of 2 wounded people, marriage only works when both people have the same shared core values. Get both parties walking in emotional and spiritual health and the marriage improves. I ask my clients who have difficulty, "what are you contributing to this mess" Lets start working on you and lets stop the blaming and shamming of each other.

I'm always interested in feed back on my articles, but some times it not how it reads its how its heard. Terry PS Must be getting up time in OZ, have a great day.

I didn't say everyone.

I will consider your suggestions. The reason I am convinced that the exclusive relationship is fear based is as follows. If you where having some wild sexual fantasies about the cute girl in your office, would you be happy to share that with your wife or son? Or would that create massif insecurity in her ? If it would and you don't tell her you've now got secrets, that cant be shared because of her reaction, so fear would shut you down. As I said exclusive relationships work for some people because they are TOTALLY open and transparent, but article indicates that MOST aren't and I stand by those statements. Open Marriage starts with being TOTALLY Open & Transparent. Most people in exclusive relationships cant go there. Terry

What a wonderful post, so pleased to hear your news. As a Life Coach, I'm either a tow truck or a tool box. I think as I said in my article the real issue is getting people to think outside the box when what's in the box doesn't work, its very problematic and we live in a world that's full of judgement and shame, both are crippling. Sadly our education system doesn't embrace teaching people life skills, just exams, so the pieces of paper become the goal, not happiness, contentment or inner peace. The bottom line is without the tools the job cant get done, so we keep moving forward trying to equip and empower as many people as possible with the tools, wisdom and revelation they need to make their life and relationships work. Kindest regards Terry

The other problem in forcing people to stay together is that it places "the couple & togetherness" front and centre rather that wholeness and authenticity of the individual.

Good points, however just because people are still together doesn't mean they have a meaningful, caring and supportive relationship.So its important to clarity what working means. To assume that staying together means its working is a floored assumption. As a Family Therapist I can assure you that the majority of peoples relationships aren't working. Interesting that you mention India. We have had a home in India for the last 10 years and spend several months there each year, Indian marriage is in just a bigger mess there than it is here. Yes, people may not be walking away as they are here but the abuse and persecution of women is at an epidemic level. I am thrilled that your marriage is working as is mine, they are clearly build on very different models, which is my whole point, however as my article states getting the masses to look outside of cultural conditioning is problematic due to the insecurity it creates. Congrats to your and you wife.

All those points you highlighted are true. I see very little mileage in defending a system that doesn't work for majority of the worlds people.

No so sure I said "nobody" many people in monogamous relationships are very happy which is wonderful, but they are in the minority.

Below is an article I recently wrote for one of the National Newspapers I write a column for. Marriage what’s wrong? By: Terry Johns When one looks at the emotional damage that the traditional closed monogamous marriage has caused over the past few hundred years and the destructiveness it promotes, "I'm yours, you’re mine and we are one" it's hardly surprising in this age of self-awareness, sexual openness, free thinking, personal growth and self-help books that there is an epidemic of broken and shattered relationships. The monogamous exclusive relationship is fear and control based model, that places an emphasis on "the couple and togetherness" at the expense of the unique and authentic identity that we each have. This model is rapidly collapsing around the globe at an alarming rate. When one begins to understand that we aren't genetically wired for monogamous relationships, (Sex & Dawn by Christopher Ryan) one starts to see that maybe the current failure rate has less to do with imperfect people trying to make sense of their lives together, but more about a model that is suffocating and unsupportive of our humanity and authentic identity. One of the major problems is that even in the midst of the titanic failure rate, Mr. & Miss. average are not only reluctant to look at alternative models, but are aggressively opposed to a paradigm shift in their thinking, concluding that any deviation from the norm even though it doesn't work for the majority, is a preposterous concept. Disempowered by personal insecurity, fear, jealousy and conformity, it's tragic to see tens of thousands of Canadians who have been damaged by their own personal relationship failures, actively seeking another partnership still based on the old destructive, fear based model. How bad does it need to get before the masses get a reality check and wake up to some hard facts, that what we're doing isn't working and is only going to get worse with more people being hurt, not to mention the financial strain it places on our goverments. At the heart of the problem is a controlling structure that promotes not only a wrong concept of love within marriage, what it is and how it works, but a structure that facilitates and host’s mistrust, fear and dishonesty. Love is NOT a feeling and is not to be confused with romantic emotions, love is much deeper than any feeling, and it is expressed through commitment, honour and respect. We love our kids, yet there is no romantic emotion, sure there are strong feelings but love is way deeper than any feeling. Sadly many couples terminate their partnerships because the romantic feelings have either diminished or disappeared completely and without shared core values there is nothing keeping them together. If we come to the marriage party with a wrong concept of love, personal insecurity, jealousy and a need to feel validated by our partner, then our partnerships will almost certainly fail; if on the other hand we understand that no one person can fulfil all our needs, we can embrace the possibility through open and transparent dialogue of engaging and connecting with others without our primary partners feeling threatened. We must understand that genetically we all have capability of loving more than one person at a time. Although this may sound a radical concept, it is in fact how humanity has been shaped through the ages and is still a reality in many parts of the world today, France in particular. This becomes a major problem for most people and a path they are unable to pursue, due to low self -esteem, jealousy and fear. Remember the modern marriage structure is based on fear and control, NOT, love, trust, respect, honour, openness and humility, I guess it's not that difficult to see why most marriages fail. For me not to feel threatened by my partners involvement with other people I will need to feel secure in who I am as a person. Open Marriage not only validates the authenticity of the individual, but celebrates and supports togetherness within a structure that still allows each person to be true to who they are, within mutually agreed boundaries that THEY decide. Relationship researcher Lawrence Stone conducted a research project which included leading psychologists, psychotherapists, sociologists, psychiatrists, life coaches and family therapists. The final statement from the group after an exhaustive study of 20th century marriage was: “..that both physical desire and romantic love were unsafe bases for an enduring marriage/long term partnership, since both desire and romantic love were violent mental disturbances which would inevitably be of only short duration. The modern monogamous relationship structure promoted and endorsed by the church and licenced by the state is built around some very dangerous false and destructive assumptions, that one person can meet all your needs and that we are by nature monogamous, all the these assumptions are not only false, but unobtainable by the masses including the majority of those who promote the deception. Sadly this unsustainable relationship model is collapsing around the globe at alarming rates, yet in many ways the biggest tragedy is that very few are asking “why? & what’s wrong?” are there alternative models? and what would they look like? Therefore the masses carry on in their blindness incorrectly assuming that the reason there relationship failed was that had simply chosen the wrong person and the hunt for Mr. or Miss. right begins again. To move forward and bring about the radical paradigm shift that we urgently need to see, we need open dialog, transparent people and a willingness to learn and grow. Continuing to support a system that doesn’t work for the masses is as absurd as buying a car that has a historical failure rate of over 70%, no one in their right mind would do it. Terry Johns is a trained counsellor, author, public speaker, mentor and Life Coach. Since 1984 Terry has been empowering individuals, families and companies to reach past life's obstacles and pursue their goals with tenacity. Born in Canada, but having spent most of his life in the UK, Terry and his family moved back to Canada in March 2005. In the past 30 years Terry has travelled and worked in over 20 countries and has coached and mentored people from many different walks of life. Alongside his Coaching business Terry is a Race Car Driver and High Performance Driving Instructor. Terry & his wife Chris have been married 38 years and have two adult children. Solutions Life Coaching www.terryjohns.ca

How sad and tragic that religion has shamed sexuality. Sex is something nearly all people have participated in and most people enjoy. The Christian Church is in my opinion guilty of shaming us at the very core of who we are, sexual people. As a Family Therapist for the past 27 years I have seen thousands of people who have been shamed sexually. Having been in an Open Marriage for 38 years (love my wife to bits) we have both enjoyed intimacy with many people over the years. One reason is because are all capable of loving more than one person and 2 because sex is something we both enjoy. I asked one of my female clients several months ago, "do you enjoy sex" to which she replied "Yes" so I asked her so why are you so hung up about having sex with people you like? Why because of social programming that shames people, binds them up and makes them feel guilty. 6 months later she told me a story about her moving house. A good male friend of her's from work came round to help her move out, they had know each other for several years, played golf together and hiked together, just friends nothing else. After the packing was over she told me she felt horny and ask her helper, would you like to go to bed and make love to which he said yes. I love that story. The other tragedy is that the average perception is that sex is something that men want and women have. What a HUGE lie that is, in my experience when people rid themselves of the cultural shamming imposed on us by the worlds religions they being to enjoy sex at a level they've never experienced. My experience is that women who have come out from under the shame not only enjoy sex but are looking to have sex.

Our beliefs are supported by our World View. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_view To change ones beliefs one has to make adjustments to our World View, if we don't we experience Cognitive Dissidence. http://www.simplypsychology.org/cognitive-dissonance.html

http://www.christianhumanist.net/christian-fundamentalists.html

It seems to me that Osama Bin Laden attributed much of what he did as the work of God, I'm sure that Joshua were he alive today (if he was in fact a real person) would be number 1 on the USA hit list for terrorism related crimes. As a Family Therapist I am becoming more and more convinced that fundamentalists regardless are suffering from some form of disillusionment. I think this is a great definition: What’s a fundamentalist? Someone who looks at all new information to see if it matches their beliefs (or principles) and ignores that which doesn’t match. An interesting read. http://mic.com/articles/45811/religious-fundamentalism-is-a-mental-illness-that-could-soon-be-cured

Good luck with that is about right.

Agreed

I guess that's only true if you believe the Bible literally.

In the end we are all in a learning curve, the issue for me isn't whether or not a particular text is true or fiction, its the insistence from the fundamental community that it is true and I'm wrong.

I'm not so sure I would credit God with the genocides mentioned in the Bible, more like man with his own selfish agendas. It does seem mesmerising to me that people take the whole Bible as God's word and therefore by definition it all must be true. Just because God permitted things doesn't mean He initiated them or endorses them.