I've been struggling with my faith in the recent months and feel so far away from the Trinity. It is a very complicated issue, but I will outline it here, briefly:
- Ethnically Jewish
- Raised Roman Catholic
- Went to Catholic schools from grades 1-12
- Militant Atheist from 14-28 years old
- At 28, had a revelation from God
- Accepted the concept of God, but did not embrace church nor Christianity
- Pagan/Odinist for a few years
- Converted to Christianity approximately 3-4 years ago
Last Summer, I felt closest to God/Trinity/Mary I have ever felt. It was beautiful.
In recent months, while observing the actions and words of American "Christians" (Evangelical Protestants and Right-Wing Catholics), I have abandoned the Church.
But, I still pray to/speak to the Trinity and Mary.
I am going through a spiritual crisis and joined this site as it is the closest I can find to my own status: Left-leaning, Socialist.
I have no interest what-so-ever in attending a physical church-- I am convinced it is filled to the brim with Pharisees.
In fact, I question why I ever converted to Christianity in the first place; I am ashamed that I did in many ways.
If I were to align with an actual church, it would be the Roman Catholic Church (as I consider it the only true Church, although it is also ripe with major issues. I will admit, I am highly-biased against Protestantism, although it is Protestantism that led me to Christ. I know, that is very contradictory.)
But, those Earthly divisions are not important; Christ can speak through all believers and does so.
I am battling with my faith and which direction to go (Also, please note: I will admit, I've never accepted that Jesus is actually "God", only part of God and sent from God. I see him as teacher/Rabbi, enlightened, and a revolutionary.)
Thank you in advance for any guidance you may share with me.