[McKenna]

Hey y'all,

So the next few months are going to be a very hectic and important time in my life! Next weekend I will finally graduate from high school and step out into the adult world to join the rest of you. Then I will be traveling a lot this summer, so I do not know when I will be able to check in here, but I will do so whenever it is possible! And then in August I will be heading off to college...which is a bit nerve-wracking, but exciting at the same time!

Does anyone have any advice for me as I prepare to go out on my own for the first time?

Thanks and God bless! I'll miss not being able to check in here every day over the next few months! I really do enjoy coming here and chatting with y'all!

[McKenna]

Hello again

Just about a week and a half until I leave for college...I can't believe it!

Obviously I'm nervous about leaving home, being separated from my boyfriend (of 3.5 years), meeting new people, classes, etc., but one of the concerns that I keep coming back to is related to alcohol. I don't drink and don't plan to (at least until I'm 21, and even then only moderately, if at all) for a lot of reasons, including religious ones. I'm wondering if anyone was in a similar boat at my age. I'm not worried about direct peer pressure so much as indirect pressure - i.e. the feeling that I'm the only one not drinking (even though I know that's not the case). Any advice?

Thank you, and God bless I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer!

[canajan, eh?]

Hi McKenna,

A week and a half until the move . . . that's not very far away! I hope the adventures you've had this summer have led you to new insights, and, of course, closer to new questions! After all, what's the good of finding some answers if you don't also come up with some fascinating new questions?

I don't know if my experiences with university and alcohol will help you, since I first went off to university in 1976. But for what it's worth, the group of friends I hung out with in high school -- friends I met through a church youth group -- held quite a few heavy drinkers and chain smokers. Meanwhile, I wasn't interested in alcohol, so I usually just nursed one beer for the evening. I didn't even like beer (still don't), but ordering a mug of Molson's Canadian gave me a glass to hold, and I felt a little less . . . well . . . nerdy. When I got to university, I just kept the same pattern -- go out with friends, buy one beer, nurse it all evening. My friends didn't hassle me about it. If they had hassled me, then they wouldn't have been true friends.

These days I don't drink any alcohol at all. If somebody offers me a glass of wine, I politely decline. It's no big deal to "say no." I've always respected myself for saying no. If somebody else can't deal with my no-alcohol choice, that's their problem. I feel I'm doing the right thing for my body and my soul.

Best of luck to you on your start at college, McKenna. Don't forget to check in with us and tell us how you're doing!

Love Jen

[soma]

I am 60, but when I was a senior in high school, my parents kicked me out of the house and disowned me. I suddenly had to live and navigate through the problems of life. I graduated and receive 3 more degrees after living overseas for 20 years, but that is not the key. Canajan gave good advice. My advice is be aware of every action and God will guide you to what is right and wrong. He has always protected me and showed me what is right and wrong. Be aware of the joy and pain. Enjoy your journey and relationship with Christ. The path is not to happiness, happiness is the path. Your youth, energy and spirituality will never leave you, if you are true to your dreams.

[McKenna]

canajan, eh?, on Aug 14 2008, 12:20 PM, said:

Hi McKenna,

A week and a half until the move . . . that's not very far away! I hope the adventures you've had this summer have led you to new insights, and, of course, closer to new questions! After all, what's the good of finding some answers if you don't also come up with some fascinating new questions?

I don't know if my experiences with university and alcohol will help you, since I first went off to university in 1976. But for what it's worth, the group of friends I hung out with in high school -- friends I met through a church youth group -- held quite a few heavy drinkers and chain smokers. Meanwhile, I wasn't interested in alcohol, so I usually just nursed one beer for the evening. I didn't even like beer (still don't), but ordering a mug of Molson's Canadian gave me a glass to hold, and I felt a little less . . . well . . . nerdy. When I got to university, I just kept the same pattern -- go out with friends, buy one beer, nurse it all evening. My friends didn't hassle me about it. If they had hassled me, then they wouldn't have been true friends.

These days I don't drink any alcohol at all. If somebody offers me a glass of wine, I politely decline. It's no big deal to "say no." I've always respected myself for saying no. If somebody else can't deal with my no-alcohol choice, that's their problem. I feel I'm doing the right thing for my body and my soul.

Best of luck to you on your start at college, McKenna. Don't forget to check in with us and tell us how you're doing!

Love Jen

Yeah I know...I can't believe how soon it is

Thanks for the kind words and the advice! I'll just need to find friends who will be true friends and won't pressure me. I agree about respecting yourself for this decision - I don't have a problem with people who drink moderately, but I personally believe that for me abstaining from alcohol is the best choice, and part of it comes down to self-respect.

soma, on Aug 15 2008, 12:11 AM, said:

I am 60, but when I was a senior in high school, my parents kicked me out of the house and disowned me. I suddenly had to live and navigate through the problems of life. I graduated and receive 3 more degrees after living overseas for 20 years, but that is not the key. Canajan gave good advice. My advice is be aware of every action and God will guide you to what is right and wrong. He has always protected me and showed me what is right and wrong. Be aware of the joy and pain. Enjoy your journey and relationship with Christ. The path is not to happiness, happiness is the path. Your youth, energy and spirituality will never leave you, if you are true to your dreams.

I'm so sorry about what your parents did! But it sounds like you managed to do well on your own - 3 degrees? Wow!

Thank you so much for the advice. It really means a lot to me I have often suspected/intuited what you have said so eloquently, but it's nice to hear it from someone older and much wiser than myself

Thanks to you both, seriously. And to everyone on this forum for some great debates

[billmc]

Best wishes for your future, McKenna. I've only known you for a short time on this forum but you seem like a very special young lady. I hope you can still visit us occasionally.

At this juncture of your life, there is not only pressure to be "part of the crowd" in drinking, etc. but there is pressure to become part of the "consumer mentality" that runs so rampant here in the USA. Many people feel that the goal of life is to get an education in order to have money to buy the things that give life meaning. But the goal in life is to live, to really live, to experience life and love in all of its fullness. I read a poem a few years ago and it really touched me and help me to consider what is important. You may have read this before but it is worth repeating. Even though this poem is written from the perspective of someone looking back over life, such musing may help someone young like you as you dream of your future possibilities. The poem is called "The Dash":

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth...
and now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own; the cars....the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard...are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left. (You could be at "dash midrange.")

If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real,
and always try to understand the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile...
remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read with your life's actions to rehash...
would you be proud of the things they say about how you spend your dash?

-- author Linda Ellis

Thanks, McKenna, for sharing part of your dash with us. Make the very best dash that you can, my friend, and enjoy it to the full!

[McKenna]

wayfarer2k, on Aug 15 2008, 06:29 PM, said:

Best wishes for your future, McKenna. I've only known you for a short time on this forum but you seem like a very special young lady. I hope you can still visit us occasionally.

At this juncture of your life, there is not only pressure to be "part of the crowd" in drinking, etc. but there is pressure to become part of the "consumer mentality" that runs so rampant here in the USA. Many people feel that the goal of life is to get an education in order to have money to buy the things that give life meaning. But the goal in life is to live, to really live, to experience life and love in all of its fullness. I read a poem a few years ago and it really touched me and help me to consider what is important. You may have read this before but it is worth repeating. Even though this poem is written from the perspective of someone looking back over life, such musing may help someone young like you as you dream of your future possibilities. The poem is called "The Dash":

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth...
and now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own; the cars....the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard...are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left. (You could be at "dash midrange.")

If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real,
and always try to understand the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile...
remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read with your life's actions to rehash...
would you be proud of the things they say about how you spend your dash?

-- author Linda Ellis

Thanks, McKenna, for sharing part of your dash with us. Make the very best dash that you can, my friend, and enjoy it to the full!

Thank you so much for the kind words, advice, and poem I'd never read that poem before, but I like it! Thanks